Day: March 12, 2008

Take it from Snee: Read the context, dummy

So I was scanning the Drudge Report for today’s posts, which is the only place where SeriouslyGuys writes itself without worrying about stealing Fark headlines. While there, I found an irresistible potential scandal to cover:

Source: Drudge Report, Mar 12, 2008

My pulse quickened a little, especially since it fell under the Eliot “Whoremonger” Spitzer story, which has already been covered to death. I thought, “Awesome, here’s a chance to use some leftover Michael Richards/Mark Fuhrman jokes!”

Then I opened the article. Its headline is “Angry Kilpatrick attacks foes, media.” Matt Drudge felt it was important to add “; uses n-word.”

Continue reading Take it from Snee: Read the context, dummy

An army of drunk

Join the Russian Army, see the world–through an alcohol-fueled haze.

Recently, some civilians got a rather rude wake up call when a tank crashed into the corner of their house. A cell phone video (unavailable) reportedly shows the tanked tank crew get out and start laughing. The tank had stopped in town to pick up more vodka, and apparently they completed their mission. The red-faced members of the Red Army then continued on their way, most likely merrily.

“‘Of course, there were violations but the crew acted in good faith to catch up with its unit,’ said Colonel Konstantin Lazutkin, spokesman for Russia’s Volga-Urals Military District.”

Well put, comrade, at least they got back in formation after their booze run.

Miami needs pricy women

No, it’s not the name of a bad movie starring Jeff Goldblum’s third cousin, but possibly more of a request. Eliot Spitzer is nationwide news, what with his flip-floppy “what’ll he do next?” behavior, but the Miami Herald has found the relevant local angle that makes this story important to its readers: Miami does not have enough high-priced call girls! How do their politicians get in trouble then?

They are helping each other!

This blog talks about it, surmises it and even reads between the headlines to find it. But there is no denying it this time. The animals are working together.

In New Zealand, two pygmy sperm whales (you can tell they are pygmies by their short stature and nose rings) lay beached on … well, a beach earlier today. Then a bottlenose dolphin came up and showed the disoriented whales the way back to sea. There is no denying they are on the same side and are trying to save each other for some massive attack that is coming very soon.

It should also be noted that there were human traitors trying to rescue the whales.

“‘They kept getting disorientated and stranding again,’ said Smith, who was among the rescuers. ‘They obviously couldn’t find their way back past (the sandbar) to the sea.'”

Yeah, well that’s when you let beaching whales lie. If they are too stupid to find water, something which they call their home their entire lives, then it’s time they become seagull food.