Day: March 17, 2008

Please, think of the athletes

The International Olympic Committee would like to remind you that human rights violations are no reason to boycott the Olympics.  It’s important to recognize the diversity of other cultures and some of those, like the Chinese when it comes to Tibet and Myanmar, are dicks.

“‘We believe that the boycott doesn’t solve anything,’ [IOC President Jacques] Rogge told reporters[.] ‘On the contrary, it is penalizing innocent athletes and it is stopping the organization from something that definitely is worthwhile organizing'” (emphasis ours). 

In other news, the IOC is still preoccupied with hard-hitting, globally-destructive issues like doping.  The IOC: just like in high school, it’s all about the jacques jocks.

Insert ‘bee’ pun here

Aside from whales, bees seem to be the most common animal at seems to keep posing threats to the American way. Not only are these buggers capable of harming humans regardless or age, race or creed (you have probably fallen victim to an attack at least once in your life), but they are kidnapping our celebrities.

However, they are now proving to be quite resourceful–nay, industrious–even when in captivity. A truck carrying untold numbers of bee prisoners of war in Sacramento, California flipped over, most likely due to a bee attack. The bees escaped and promptly began stinging everything in sight.

“The bees stung cops and firefighters who tried to corral them. They buzzed toward nearby businesses and forced them to shut their doors.”

See? They are attacking our bravest and finest, as well as trying to take down the economy (like that needs help). It’s the very definition of total war. It’s time we take the fight to them. Grab a can of Raid and let’s march!

Bet this Wal-Mart doesn’t have a Cost Cutters

Speaking of ethnic stereotypes, Wal-Mart has customized its Dearborn, MI location to cater to the large Arab-American population there.

It’s the same old Wal-Mart, but with some Middle-Eastern touches.  Instead of greeting shoppers with “Have a nice day,” greeters say “Salaam.”  The deli replaced cole slaw with humus.  And, of course, the NASCAR driver endorsements are gone.

Remember, it’s easier to buy the world a Coke when they’re two six-packs for $2.

The McBournie Minute: The Irish don’t mind stereotypes

March is one of my favorite months of the year. It’s not because the temperatures start warming up and it seems spring is in the air. No, it’s because every weekend is a celebration of St. Patrick’s Day.

Being Irish, this is one of the proudest moments I can ever have. People everywhere in the country start wearing green and act like they can find this island nation on a map. They then proceed to drink until the green beer comes back up again. It is perfectly alright for people to dress up as leprechauns, talk in fake accents and wear outrageous outfits, because stereotyping the Irish is acceptable. It is also acceptable to reinforce those stereotypes, by drinking into oblivion. But why can’t other nationalities be more like the Irish? Continue reading The McBournie Minute: The Irish don’t mind stereotypes