Day: March 19, 2008

Take it from Snee: Cleaning out the language gutters

Every few years, I find that it’s time to clean out the old lexicon. Everyday language is a constantly evolving collection of trendy phrases from movies, literature, music and–as The Guys would like to think–blogs.

But as time marches on, those phrases cease to remain useful. Sometimes they’re no longer relevant, other times they’ve been brow-beaten so low that they no longer hold any real meaning. It’s time to flush these five clichés so we can make room for newer, more interesting terms.

Continue reading Take it from Snee: Cleaning out the language gutters

Booze News: Ladies’ Night edition

The Guys are all about women, especially the drunk variety. In keeping with news about boozy broads, we have another edition of Booze News that is all about those with two X chromosomes and a rather high BAC.

Thanks to Boris Yeltsin, it’s no secret that vodka is the favorite spirit of Russia. But did you know that Russian men seem to drink it more than Russian women? One distiller has seen this niche market and plans to tap it with new Damskaya, or “Ladies” vodka.

Dames: Are you heading out to the gym? Instead of some fancy sports drink or even water, why not bring along something that looks like water–vodka. Finishing off that salad lunch? Good for you, you’re so health-conscious. Time to celebrate with a nip!

Next up for the lady lushes is wine. We all know that only females and Frenchmen drink wine, anyway. A Dutch man, seen here looking like Saddam Hussein shortly after being captured, who makes wine, has insured his nose for $8 million. This will help keep him going in case something happens. Because, as you know, one drinks wine through the nose. Only peasants drink it through the mouth.

Sarah J. Parker: Sexist

Attention ladies and gentlemen: stop doing whatever it is you are doing (avoiding work) and get ready for the most serious news announcement of the day.

Sarah Jessica Parker and her husband, Inspector Gadget, are upset about Maxim’s poll that declared her the World’s Unsexist Woman.

This blog is shocked that Ms. Parker would balk at such an honor and condone ending women’s suffrage, putting them back in the kitchen and baking pies and babies. It’s self-deprecating women like these that set back the extraordinary achievements of Susan B. Anthony, Elizabeth Cady Stanton and Amelia Earhart.

To protest Parker’s sexist attitudes, please send your bras to SeriouslyGuys, P.O. Box 1174, Buffalo, NY 91762.

Murky waters

“I know you like to think your @%$# don’t stink, but lean a little bit closer, see them roses really smell like poo-poo-oh-oh.” —Outkast

Still looking forward to that trip to Beijing for the 2008 Summer Olympics? Think again. Officials are getting a staunch heat from people complaining about the squatting toilets held in many test facilities. And no, squatting is not one of the new games held this year.

Metaphor heading straight for us!

Flying can be one of the most freeing experiences in the world. It can make one feel so far away from all the troubles of the world. But sadly, the troubles of the world can still find you several thousand feet in the air.

One pilot found this out when a kamikaze buzzard intentionally flew through the windshield of the cockpit. (This blog snickers at the word “cockpit.”) To make matters worse it was a small plane, so there was no in-flight meal service.

This has to serve as a reminder that the War on Animals can find you anywhere, regardless of how safe you might trick yourself into feeling.