Day: March 20, 2008

How To: Be a tourist

Yes, it is spring–a time when warmth, love and even March Madness are in the air. Trees bud, bears come out of their caves, and humans get the sudden urge to travel.

Science still is unsure what it is in humanity that causes this urge to migrate, or why it has to be some place the individual or their offspring has never been. The current theory is that in ancient times, Neanderthals survived when the seasons changed, by grabbing their primitive cameras and hopping on buses to see big piles of rocks they had learned about in history class. This was a very short class, since nothing had happened yet.

With this in mind, The Guys bring you how to be a tourist. Continue reading How To: Be a tourist

Warriors of the Week

Beth and Brian Willis, of the UK, may have once cohabitated with dogs, but they’ve learned the error of their ways.  They now wear coats made from their favorite dogs and will tell everyone who will listen the story of their dabbles in animal-loving.  In this case, “everyone” is The Daily Mail.

It takes a brave person to admit when they were wrong.  It takes an even braver one to wear their albatross publicly.  And the bravest person of all will try to dress children:

“But Mrs Willis said her next dog fur creation will have to wait.

She is too busy knitting jumpers for the youngsters – using wool.”

Fur isn’t murder: it’s a stark reminder to animals of their place in the world.  They are either food, clothing or makeup testers, never our masters.

World-class rope burns

The Olympics is coming this summer, so get ready to see a bunch of people run around a track in approximately 800 different events. It has also been a criticism of the Olympics for having too many strange sports (so you cross country ski really fast and then shoot things?), but they have had others in the past.

From 1900 to 1920, Tug-of-War was an Olympic event–really. Think of all the hard work, training and sacrifice that must go into a game your dad and his coworkers used to play after having a few to many at the annual office picnic. Sadly, Dodgeball, Red Rover and Handlebar Mustache-Growing were not approved for these early Olympiads.

This has been an SG fun fact.

Osama Bin Laden: Unfunnier than Dane Cook

Note: Today’s Osama Bin Laden coverage is brought to you by a guest SeriouslyGuy, Jay Leno’s monologue writer.

So Bin Laden released a new audio tape.  (Did you hear about this?)

In the tape, he tries out some new material about the Catholic Church and the Pope.  Yeah, that’s what we thought: too easy … just like the priests! We mean, who doesn’t have a thing for the Pope?  Certainly not his alter boys. Ba-zing!

(Oh, c’mon.  You laughed at the Spitzer-not-swallowtzer jokes.)

The sad part is that OsBiLa (that’s his nickname from entertainment reporters) didn’t go for the easy jokes.  Instead, he went after the Danish Mohammad cartoons from 2005! We mean, sure, it’s a rant, but since when did Dennis Miller wear a turban?

(We’re just kidding, folks.  Dennis is good people, like Peter the Great at a Frank Lloyd Wright exhibit.)

We’ve got a great Web site for you today!  Steely Dan is here!

Can’t think of a headline that would not sound a little racist

We all know Japan is quirky. Heck, one might even go so far as to call it “weird.” This blog has no idea what could have caused this, but it could be the radiation from the atomic bombs we dropped.

They love technology, they love cheap animation that all looks the same and they helped us not feel creepy about finding the school girl outfit rather hot. But even a country like that can go overboard. Recently, Japan named a cartoon character to an ambassador position.

Folks, this officially makes Japan the Britney Spears of nations. We need to make it get help.