How To: Defend yourself

Eventually, somebody somewhere will want to kick your ass. Maybe it’s because you flashed a wad of twenties in New York City, or perhaps because you were sure that rape jokes are always funny (especially if you read this blog regularly). In any case, you need to be prepared to fend off attacks, which is why The Guys will teach you how to defend yourself.

Continue reading How To: Defend yourself

Louisiana fears reputation of party state

Louisiana is a sober, god-fearing state. The people are mild-mannered and mostly keep to themselves. They are in no way associated with music, flashy celebrations, nudity for jewelry children can afford, and least of all, alcohol.

That’s why when state Sen. Ed Murray, of the normally subdued New Orleans, suggested making Sazerac (a beverage containing whiskey, bitters and absinthe) the official state cocktail, there was a huge uproar. Sen. Buddy “Buddy” Shaw fully opposed the idea, fearing the label of a party state. He argued a state cocktail would send the wrong message, and might hurt its tourism industry, based on people who want to see what big boats look like in flood waters.

“‘Is there a possibility that we could be encouraging folks, who were not intending to drink, that it would be acceptable and they could become an alcoholic?’ Shaw asked.

“‘No,’ Murray replied.”

Frat boys, your time has been saved!

010001111Hottie0001111101101Scientists at Tel Aviv University claim that they have taught a computer how to recognize a pretty face. Think of all the time you guys can save not clicking on “Hot or Not” now that machines can do it for us! Success! Now we don’t have to carry the burden of moral judgment upon our shoulders.

Start your morning with a cup of Schadenfreude

Good morning … or was it?  Did you have trouble pulling yourself out of bed to shower a body you hate, go to a job that you never wanted, just so you can send some broken condoms to college in a few years?

You had plans.  You were going to be a big deal.  An astronaut.  A porn star.  An astro-porn star-naut.  But it didn’t happen.

You know what will make your morning a good one?  A steaming hot cup of Schadenfreude.

Remember Rachel Dratch?  Yeah, apparently neither did her SNL co-stars.  She’ll have her own cup of delicious Schadenfreude soon, though, once Baby Mama tanks at the box office.

Mm, Schadenfreude: make it every morning’s shameful joy.

Who needs a dryer?

There are some days when you wake up and think to yourself, “I wonder what the world record is for people ironing clothes underwater?” This blog knows, the thought has often kept The Guys up many a night.

Well rest easy tonight! The world record was recently smashed as not 70, not 71, but 72 divers dove off a pier in Melbourne. They each brought with them ironing boards and some rather wrinkly laundry. The divers are part of a movement called Extreme Ironing, which yours truly has been following for more than five years.

Essentially, extreme ironing takes the rush from extreme sports to a whole new level. It takes extreme sports, any of them, and adds in the thrill of pressing one’s clothes.