Day: April 14, 2008

Brought to you by Tums

Now that you’re probably finished with your lunch, how about some oysters? What’s that? You don’t like oysters all that much? Too bad, we already entered you in a competition.

Alright, we didn’t. But there was an oyster-eating competition in New Orleans recently. Patrick “Deep Dish” Bertoletti, an American, we assume, came away with the title by eating 35 DOZEN oysters. Bertoletti beat the champion, Crazy Legs “Crazy Legs” Conti in what had to be an upsetting loss for the incumbent.

“They’re supposed to be an aphrodisiac,” said Conti, whose real name is Crazy Legs. “But I think that’s only true for about the first three dozen. When you get up higher than that, you don’t want much activity for a while.”

Today’s Internet weather report

The picture don't lie.Partly cloudy, with a high chance of a lot of Internet black holes. Unfortunately, the pipes and tubes will still somehow be clogged, but that might be able to be blamed more on the Internet Tube Pirates.

It would seem that the Internet is full of more than just porn and pictures of kittens. Scientists (say it with me: SCIENCE!), have created a program that searches for the little holes where your email just goes vanisheroonie. Why is this useful technology? One of the founding premises of the Internet was that it could route around holes, the idea being to make it less vulnerable to things like nuclear strikes. What this research shows is that even without nukes, there’s plenty of holes out there that the Internet already routes around. It’s amazing how anyone can connect anywhere, given how many gaps are out there, servers that just don’t pass on packets properly, etc.

Unfortunately, no one seems to have figured out if the Grid will keep the nuke-proof methodology either on or off it.

Bush steps up relationship with Pope, hopes to reach first base

Speaking of Catholics who aren’t allowed to drive anymore, Pope Benedict Roman Numeral will be picked up from the airport by President George Bush.  Unlike Mel, the Pope isn’t allowed to drive because he’s old.

The press is stunned by this unprecedented favor by a President, but The Guys aren’t surprised at all.  By picking up the Pope from the airport, the President will have someone to help him move in January.

The McBournie Minute: Celebrities can’t drive

Recently, Britney Spears had a minor car accident. It does not seem that anyone was hurt, but clearly that is just a case of luck. Our nation’s celebrities, while they may serve as poor role models, they serve as even poorer drivers. What will our children think?

Even when they are not crashing motor vehicles, when they step out of their cars, celebrities are often not fully clothed allowing brief visual access to their naughtier parts. Our nation’s youth will grow up thinking that it is perfectly acceptable to drive around without underpants on, which is something every good driver knows is risky. You can, of course, become stuck to the seat. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Celebrities can’t drive