Day: April 17, 2008

How To: Get in shape

The trees are budding, the temperatures are rising and the birds are singing. This can mean one of two things: 1) you are fighting off a delusional fever or 2) it’s spring time. For argument’s sake, let’s go with the latter on this one.

Because it’s spring time, you have probably realized that it’s time to shed your winter coat of blubber that has kept you warm all winter and helped you save money on the heating bill. The Guys are fitness buffs, as we have shown already. So now we are here to show you how to get in shape. Continue reading How To: Get in shape

Scurry to from Prison

There are two things the U.S. loves to do: run for office and throw people in jail. Sometimes, they are even the same thing (see: Marion Barry). Idaho happens to be one of these states united, and it also happens to enjoy holding elections every now and then.

Keith Russell Judd is a man with a dream. He’s a democrat who finally got himself on the Idaho primary ballot running for president. Though only 49, Judd believes he has what it takes to lead. His name will be right up there will Sens. Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama.

As it turns out, Judd is currently doing time in a federal prison in Texas, which means legally he can’t even vote for himself. He won’t be out of prison until 2013. So should Judd be elected president, he will not be able to serve his first term in the White House, that is unless he pardons himself.

When good acts go bad

It seems as though everyone has jumped on the nude charity calendar wave—just like those old ladies in that oh so adorable movie—and sure, you might think that it’s a totally great idea that just can’t lose, because, hey, who doesn’t like calendars of naked old women … until you get stuck with a $16,000 printing bill and 5,000 unsold copies. Oh, and being in debt because of the act. Then, maybe, not so much.

Thanks a lot, Helen Mirren. You big Oscar winning jerk.

Hate your boyfriend? Try Wayne Brady


As a rule, The Guys don’t typically help out newly divorced celebrities. They already have everything going for them: money, bottled water, teeth whiteners that probably taste like Crest Jr. (ours taste like Clorox) …. There’s no reason for us to get involved because they should have no problem “reentering the game.”

But we can’t help but like Wayne Brady–really, who doesn’t? He’s like a white Tom Hanks in Sleepless in Seattle. You want him to fall in love again. And you want him to do better than Meg Ryan.

So if you’re single (or wish you were), have you considered Wayne Brady? Here’s what Wayne brings to the table:

  • Will serenade you in any musical-style, never failing to rhyme.
  • Guarantees at least one erotic manpile featuring Ryan Stiles and Greg Proops.
  • Your parents already like him. (See also: Cuba Gooding, Jr.)
  • Has “born-on” date stamped on the bottom of his right foot, so you know he’s fresh.
  • Doesn’t have to choke you … yet.

The peacock uprising

It has started. We knew those strange looking birds were up to something. Not to mention in Florida, everyone is up to something, even the animals.

Yes, this blog must angerly announce that peacocks have begun their hostile occupation of a neighborhood in Florida. Not much is known at this point, but over 100 peacocks have taken over the place, harassing citizens at every turn.

The worst part about it, is that peacocks are protected under Florida state law. This blog has said it from the start, when peacocks are protected, only peacocks will be outlaws.