Day: April 23, 2008

Take it from Snee: Shut up, actors

Look, actors, you can't ALL be Arnold.You know what irks me?  Having to apologize to myself whenever I watch a movie starring Tim Robbins, Susan Sarandon, Leonardo DiCaprio, Edward Norton, John and Joan Cusack, Martin Sheen, Darryl Hannah, Edward James Olmos, Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, George Clooney, Christopher Reeves or any other politically-involved actor.

The same internal dialogue happens during the opening credits:

“OK, Rick.  You’re just watching their movie.  You’re not really paying them, more like paying their producers who only want you to see explosions and sequels. 

“Just pretend you didn’t accidentally read how they’re really into environmentalism, peace or walking again.  (Thank god the ‘Superman’s Grounded’ hoopla is over and done with!)  All you wanted to do was find out they were voted ‘Sexiest Man Alive’ again or made a sex tape to Google later. 

“It’s not your fault they told you things you didn’t want to hear.  You can just watch this movie where they read lines like the meat robots they actually are.” Continue reading Take it from Snee: Shut up, actors

I want to deceive

Some of you may have heard about the strange lights that flew over Phoenix earlier this week. Some of you may have even donned your tinfoil hats in response. Some said it was an alien spacecraft, some said it was a sign the second coming of Jesus Christ, still others said it was a UFO.

Technically, the latter were right, because it was some sort of flying object that was not identified, but let’s move on.

But now it seems it may have been all just a clever, clever hoax by some dude with some road flares, fishing line and helium balloons. What the story fails to address is what if this is just a cover-up? Who is to say that the aliens don’t have road flare/fishing line technology?

Black magic besieges Congo’s penises

Juju bad for pe-peMen of Congo, look out-your local witch doctors are after your most prized possession!

Don’t understand? Police in Congo have arrested 13 suspected sorcerers accused of using black magic to steal or shrink men’s penises after a wave of panic and attempted lynchings triggered by the alleged witchcraft. No longer a myth, men are actually being besieged by that magical lot, the witch doctors (a group we’re all too familiar with), and the result has been nothing short of the opposite of Viagra. That effect has led to chaos that cannot be controlled, and multiple lynchings that have been attempted.

What was left was tiny.

Don’t let this happen to you. If you’re in the Congo, beware of fellow passengers in communal taxis wearing gold rings.

The latest in diet tips

Spiders–sometimes they create superheroes, but most of the time, they are evil, especially in the War on Animals. They have attacked our space shuttles and even made us have forced sexual relations with another person.

But despite all this, spiders might actually be doing some good for us. It turns out they are killing off those pesky songbirds we all know and hate. According to a recent study, spiders, which are eaten by some types of birds, collect a lot of mercury and in turn end up with high mercury content in their blood (which leads to other health problems, including osteoporosis).

This blog really isn’t sure where to stand on spiders. They cause so much harm, but they are helping us rid the world of the avian menace. For now, we will stay neutral on them.