How To: Become an Internet celebrity
Posted on May 1, 2008
Filed Under How To | Leave a Comment |
Cambridge, Massachusetts is playing host this week to ROFLCon, the first annual convention of the funniest Internet celebrities in all of the Big Dump Truck Series of Tubes. The Guys weren’t invited. Why? We really do not know. Some of us did not even hear about it until we heard it mentioned on “Attack of the Show!” earlier this week.
In any case, if you are like most people in the world, you are willing to do whatever it takes to become famous. That is why we present to you how to become an Internet celebrity. Read more
Written by Bryan McBournieMoney money money mo—-ney!
Posted on May 1, 2008
Filed Under Regular Post | Leave a Comment |
Money!
Or, more accurately, lack thereof.
Hey everyone, I’ve got a hot tip for you! Are you just fiendin’ to get that record business up and going, but lack the actual capital to do so? Of course you are! Why bother letting something as inconsequential as not having the proper amount of money hold back? Don’t stop at some Check Cashing or Payday Advance store to get the finances that you need. That won’t work. Here’s the hot tip: forge a check for 360 billion dollars from your girlfriend’s mother. It’s a victim-less crime! Now that’s the secret to success!
(Story courtesy of Alex H.)
Written by Chris "Chugs" TaylorA Day in the Life of a 911 Operator
Posted on May 1, 2008
Filed Under Too Soon? | 3 Comments |
No matter how exciting of a job we have, eventually it becomes mundane. There’s nothing unconscionable about becoming desensitized to, say, emergency savings withdrawals or organizing a staff potluck. But we still feel bad because that’s what we’re paid to do (read: supposed to care about).
So can you imagine how a 911 operator must feel when the honeymoon’s over? One in Memphis actually fell asleep during a robbery call. In the interest of giving the benefit of doubt, we present: A Day in the Life of a 911 Operator. Read more
Written by Rick SneeMagic beats out science using science
Posted on May 1, 2008
Filed Under It Must Be Science!, Regular Post | Leave a Comment |
Once upon a time, there was a gentleman who had unfortunately lopped off the bittiest bit of one of his fingers. Though this may seem but inconsequential to you and I, to Lee, this was horrid. Alas, how could he perform the most dire of functions, such as flipping off other people, scratching his nose or even getting that hard to reach booger in his nose? Indeed, his days were most dark. Lee spent many a-night, always praying and wishing that someday, somehow, his finger tip would come. As often as his days were dark, his wish would go unanswered…
And then, one night, Lee’s brother a magical little pixie sprinkled scrapings involving the cells from the lining of a pig’s bladder pixie dust over his finger tip. This continued for nine more evenings, and then suddenly, POOF, the finger appeared, right out of nowhere! Science could clearly not explain this, as it was nothing but magic! Huzzah!
So children, the moral of the story is this: every night, pray and wish upon that first star that you see every night, and all of your dreams can come true as well … as long as your wishes and prayers involve only asking for your middle finger tip to regrow.
(Story courtesy Adrienne S.)
Written by Chris "Chugs" TaylorGet a haircut, lovebirds!
Posted on May 1, 2008
Filed Under Regular Post | Leave a Comment |
Saudi Arabia is known as the, well, Saudi Arabia of the Middle East. Sometimes it’s friendly to westerners, sometimes they have public beheadings, so really, it’s a coin toss as to how we view the country.
That’s why we’re glad to hear the country is making its version of hippies get a haircut. And by “hippies” we mean men who flirt with women in public places. This blog isn’t sure what that means, but if that means public display of affection (PDA), then we are all for it. It’s time to cut back on people making out in public worldwide by threatening to cut their hair.
It is annoying to see, disgusting to watch and a problem plaguing our nation’s long-haired youth of both genders. Say, we could enforce it on the womens, too!
Written by Bryan McBournie