How To: Become an Internet celebrity

Posted on May 1, 2008
Filed Under How To | |

Cambridge, Massachusetts is playing host this week to ROFLCon, the first annual convention of the funniest Internet celebrities in all of the Big Dump Truck Series of Tubes. The Guys weren’t invited. Why? We really do not know. Some of us did not even hear about it until we heard it mentioned on “Attack of the Show!” earlier this week.

In any case, if you are like most people in the world, you are willing to do whatever it takes to become famous. That is why we present to you how to become an Internet celebrity.

Tools:

Internet connection
Webcam
Willingness to humiliate yourself
Friends

1) Video killed the blog star.
While they do still exist, Web sites that are famous for their written jokes are shrinking in popularity. “Why” you might ask? For the same reason nobody reads books (except for memoirs, because apparent everyone has a life story they think is worth telling in a gloomy yet inspirational way), watching things on television and the movie screen is much more entertaining than having to make your eyes do all that scrolling back and forth reading. Best of all, you do not even have to imagine things. The image is right there.

2) Get a schtick.
Write a funny song, dress up in a ridiculous outfit (anything with 70s or 80s pop culture is normally grounds for an instant classic), say outrageous things. This requires a great deal of creativity, and you may even need your friends to assist you in your quest for Internet stardom. A lot of times, people don’t even think their video will make them that popular, but it ends up catapulting them into fame, without the paparazzi or millions of dollars.

Just do something that has never been seen before and do it your very best. True talent will always shine through. Or you could just take a video of yourself getting hit in the crotch–that’s an undying favorite.

3) Post it online.
The advantage to videos is that you can post them pretty much everywhere today, and people are happy to share them with their friends and coworkers. Think of it as Annoying Joke E-mails 2.0 and you’ll get it.

Post it on as many video posting sites as you can, then make sure to send links to all of your friends. If they are worth their sand, your friends will begin sending the link on to some of their friends, who will in turn pass it on to their friends. Thus making you the next Tron guy. Remember: Many sites have policies against nudity, so don’t post those videos of yourself!

4) Pander.
If all else fails, make a lolcat. This is probably the easiest and laziest yet most popular visual genre on the ‘Net today. Just take or find a picture of an animal doing something–anything. It really doesn’t matter to fans of lolcats. Hop on your computer and type up a funny, poorly spelled caption with even poorer grammar. Send it out and enjoy the fame.

Written by Bryan McBournie