Eat My Sports: MVP talk
Posted on May 13, 2008
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So, during our hiatus Kobe “Denver” Bryant received his first Most Valuable Player award. There’s a joke about him being “a family man” and a correlation between what happened in Denver, and the Player part of the award name, but we’re bigger than that. Now correct me if I am wrong, but I’m pretty sure the “V” in MVP stands for valuable, well, Mr. Bryant, if that still is the case, then you, you sir, do not deserve this award. Read more
Written by Bryan SchoolsDefense #1: The walled city of Disney World
Posted on May 13, 2008
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A call to arms has been sounded in Florida, and judging by the state’s population, the call will likely be answered with semi-automatic weaponry. One south Florida city is calling to secede from the Union. Well, rather, just break away from the top half of Florida to become its own state.
This will likely spark a civil war between the North and South. The South fighting for its independence, the North fighting to preserve the United State of Florida. The future of Florida hangs like a chad in the balance.
This blog can see now, the potential horrors that lie ahead: brother pitted against brother, elderly Jewish people against the tight shirt-clad Latinos. Oh, the horror. We will likely see the South appeal to Cuba and its mighty navy to assist in the fight, but the pleas will go unheeded. Meanwhile, the fighting will remain around the middle section of the state, until the North invades the South, pillaging and razing trendy night clubs as it goes.
This serves as further evidence that the Union is falling apart.
(Courtesy of Courtney P.)
Written by Bryan McBournieNicht denkt jemand an die Kinder?
Posted on May 13, 2008
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Texas high school students were recently shocked to discover a picture of a newsstand with “revealing” adult magazines in their German textbook. Man, I can only wonder what the school’s art history students are thinking right now while going through their sculpture textbooks. They must tripping balls!
Australian babies succomb to beer pressure
Posted on May 13, 2008
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In more Wacky Australian Booze News, one-third of surveyed Australian women tip a few back while pregnant. Not only are they drinking while incubating future felons, but 93% of that third said that “they knew alcohol could affect an unborn child.”
In response, Australian scientists plan to use these results for a public health campaign about the dangers of drinking with a minor onboard.
This blog cannot agree more: while we support boozing in general, we cannot deny the effects of alcohol on babies. It makes them cooler, appear more mature, more confident with the ladies and possibly super strong. Australians are already all of that. By nurturing these traits at a prenatal stage, the rest of the world will never be able to keep up.
Should the health campaign fail, The Guys see no other alternative than a preemptive strike. That’s right: free cigarettes for pregnant Aussies. The secondhand smoke should float down to their pouches.
Written by Rick SneeExpressions of love
Posted on May 13, 2008
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There’s a lot of talk going around amongst the womenfolk about how there are no good men out there, or that men are in capable of a meaningful relationship. We submit this to you as evidence to the contrary.
An Australian man was getting into his car with his 5-year-old daughter in one arm and a case of beer in the other. Being a responsible parent, and protecting what he loves, he buckled in one of the passengers. The only problem is he buckled in his beer and not his daughter. Strangely enough, the police were not happy to find this, and fined him A$750.
In Chicago, for some strange reason, one man calls Pabst Blue Ribbon his favorite beer. In case you one day happen to attend his funeral, you will know it, too, because he has designed a coffin that looks like a can of the beer. And for those of you entering the cause of death pool, cirrhosis has been taken already.
Written by Bryan McBournie