Day: May 14, 2008

Take it from Snee: I am an American-American

Not too long ago, I wrote about my harrowing experience at a Taco Bell where the cashier refused to speak English. (Despite my best efforts, she also refused to go home. Taco Bell, you’ll be hearing from my lawyers!) At the end of that piece, I promised to fulfill my new calling: combating injustice in the United States of America. If you recall, I also asked all of you to do the same.

Imagine my shock to find that the entire country has ignored my cause. Maybe I spoke too much truth, because the truth hurts and there are a lot of defensive people out there. I am encountering even more assaults on my American-American roots. That’s right: I’m so American that I’m a minority amongst Americans. Continue reading Take it from Snee: I am an American-American

“Hot blooded, and Japanese …

I CAN HAZ SOOPER POWERZ NOW?… feel like I’m burning at a 100 degrees.”

Ah, Japan, a land where tentacles and school girls run one in the same, food comes raw and pizza has shrimp on it. Now, it too can join the ranks of China, America, South Africa and other countries where simply unbelievable police practices have taken place. Japanese police arrested a gentleman who was reported to be “acting violently,” but before doing so, the suspect doused himself with kerosene previous to the boys in whatever color Japan’s police wear dragging his psychotic self in for questioning.

Now, here the guy is, sitting in extremely flammable clothes that he’s refused to change out of, in a building where, as it’s blatantly emphasized, no smoking is allowed. He requests a little smoke break, at which an officer gave him a pack of cigarettes and a lighter.

What happens next should not be too surprising. Of course the individual sets himself on fire and died of it, and now the police are kind of sorta wondering if the officers in charge of this incident should be arrested, or if it happened precisely as they said. No cameras or other witnesses were present, and Japanese police aren’t the nicest interrogators in the world. Now, me, if I was going to set a guy on fire, though, I don’t think I’d try to blame it on that kind of carelessness: I’d rather come out and say it. Would you rather be known as a murderer or “that moron who gave that crazy guy that lighter”?

If only a machine could keep musical time … if only

'And a 0, 1, 10, 11 ... 1, 1, 10, 11 .... 10, 1, 10, 11 ... 'It’s hard out there for robot designers. Thanks to movies, television and comic books, we have a convoluted idea of what robots are supposed to do. We expect them to clean our homes, teach our children, lift cars off of dying people, plot our hyperspace journeys and — if there’s any time left — have sex with us.

So it’s no wonder that most of us aren’t excited by robots that fall over playing (ugh) soccer or vacuum three feet of carpet before running out of battery. We want our robots like our cars: flying and, once again, able to have sex with us.

And that is probably why Honda decided it would be a big deal to turn their ASIMO robot into a guest symphony conductor metronome. Coming up next for the Little Robot that Might:

  • Pressing a shirt.
  • Adding any two numbers.
  • Playing a record.
  • Vibrating at three speeds. (No, we’re not letting this one go.)

Baby steps, Honda. Let’s work up to a robot that can file my taxes. The future … is now.*

*By “now,” we mean “tomorrow.”**

**Um, the figurative “tomorrow.” Not tomorrow “tomorrow.”

Warrior of the Week

Florida can be dangerous place to be. They’ve got swamps crawling with members of Al-igator and other creatures. But they also have something many people don’t think about: bobcats.

Elaine Grace, 57, was walking her dog when a bobcat attacked her. The woman was not a goner, however, she only got mad, and wrestled the big cat to the ground and pinned it. The animal refused to cry uncle, so she was forced to hold it in place until passersby heard the commotion and came to help.

Grace was treated for minor injuries, the bobcat was euthenized on the spot to send a message to all others in the Tallahassee bobcat community. We salute Grace for her bravery, hope she gets better soon.

“How frigid is my wife? Think the state that I govern.”

Lots of guys like to joke with their fishing buddies about how their wife won’t have sex with them, but when you’re the Governor of Minnesota and your “buddies” are everyone listening to a live radio broadcast, that makes things maybe just a little awkward. Granted, not as awkward as how some governors handle it, but still not smooth.