Eat My Sports: NBA Final Four
Posted on May 20, 2008
Filed Under Eat My Sports | 2 Comments |
Welcome to the final four teams left in the NBA playoffs that is sure to give David Stern nightmares for the next two weeks. But before we delve into the possibility of a Detroit/San Antonio ratings fiasco, I would like to extend a personal congratulations to Jon Lester. After surviving cancer, Lester has come back to win Game 4 of the World Series and last night pitch a no-hitter against the monstrous Kansas City Royals. Jon, the Nation loves you buddy, congrats.
Now, back to the NBA. After a second round that could have led to an NBA Finals featuring LeBron James against Chris “Don’t call me Ringo” Paul, we are left the final four combatants. So, here are my predictions going into the East and West finals. Read more
Written by Bryan SchoolsTired-looking Clinton scolds sexist press
Posted on May 20, 2008
Filed Under Scurry '08, Sex Sells | Leave a Comment |
Looking a little time-worn and shrewish, former First Lady and current Senator and presidential contender Hillary Clinton nagged The Washington Post about sexist press coverage in this election.
“It does seem as though the press at least is not as bothered by the incredible vitriol that has been engendered by the comments by people who are nothing but misogynists,” said Mrs. Clinton, who could use a touch of anti-aging cream and perhaps a push-up bra.
Mrs. Clinton went on to say something about her feelings, but this blog was distracted by some sports announcement. She also probably yaked the reporter’s ear off about family ailments and what her daughter’s been up to.
She did not cite any specific examples, just some intuition she had that people don’t like women. There’s no word whether Mrs. Clinton will release any of the facts gathered by male employees in her campaign.
Written by Rick SneeIf only he knew the power of the jail time …
Posted on May 20, 2008
Filed Under Booze News, Fun Fact | Leave a Comment |
Update time! Back in April, we reported on a Welshman dressed in a shoddy Darth Vader costume attacking a Church of Jediism. Obviously copious amounts of alcohol were involved in the age old battle between nerd and nerdier (you can take a guess at which is which). Said Dark Lord of the Sith imitator, Arwel Wynne Hughes, was arrested.
Flash forward to now! Arwel has managed to avoid jail time, using the age old defense “I was so drunk, I don’t even remember it taking place.” You would think that the video taping of the incident (done so because “the church” was taping their “service”) might jog his memory, but, well, I can’t say that I’ve ever actually heard of Wales being done for their progressive attitude and inherent of adaptation of new technology. Alas. A great disturbance in the judicial side of the Force remains.
Fun Fact: In the 2001 United Kingdom census, 390,000 — 0.7 percent of the population — listed Jedi as their religion.
That’s most assuredly .699999999% more than I ever would have guessed.
Written by Chris "Chugs" TaylorOffice of Boob Investigations under siege
Posted on May 20, 2008
Filed Under Rick Snee Antidisestablishmentarian Militia, Stripper News | Leave a Comment |
We’ve long been proponents of the Second Amendment on this site, whether you plan on using your arms on animals or the government itself. (Our FBI profile just went up a notch with that sentence.)
We’ve wondered when the government would overstep its boundaries and attack the very institutions we hold dear. The police of Louisville, Kentucky have arrested one of our duly-appointed Official Boob Inspectors, which is the policing body of the Department of Titillation. They’ve trumped up a charge of “impersonating an officer” and will probably hold him indefinitely.
By taking away our means and standards of evaluating breasts, the government has rendered us defenseless against imposter mammories of dubious quality. It’s only a matter of time before the Internet is full of saggy man-tits and we settle for third or even fourth inverted nipples.
This blog is not suggesting that the good citizens of Louisville demand this brave inspector’s release through rioting and violence. That would be irresponsible. We just ask that they think of the porn and how this government interference will affect all of us.
Written by Rick SneeWine does lead to longer life
Posted on May 20, 2008
Filed Under Booze News | Leave a Comment |
Though it may be the early morning, that is no excuse not to have a drink in hand, especially with the grim news ahead. Wine magnate Robert Mondavi is dead at the age of 94. The wine king is dead, long live the wine king.
Mondavi is largely credited with creating the California wine industry decades ago, and in so doing, inspiring Sideways. He started the industry by getting a wine recipe from a public library and selling his home brew. So have a glass in honor of the man, then make sure to brush your teeth, they’re red.
Written by Bryan McBournie