Eat My Sports: Quarterly calls
Posted on May 27, 2008
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Officially past the quarter mark of the 2008 MLB season and we’ve had some surprises, some things we’ve expected and the last place Yankees. We’re going to size up the top teams in each league, then give you the one team to look out for. Us in the sporting world call this the “wild card,” look it up.
AL East
At 31-20 the newly christened Tampa Bay Rays have the best percentage mark thus far. I really like the Rays, their young talent is spry and standing tall like a seasoned porn vet. The longevity of this club to sustain season-long success isn’t going to hold though. It’s going flop like Ron Jeremy staring down a donkey. Don’t expect the Yankees to finish in the cellar, but don’t expect them to beat out Boston or Tampa either. The Rays’ pitching will falter down the stretch, and look for the Sox to take the crown, but the Rays in the wild card. Read more
The laws are strange south of the border
Posted on May 27, 2008
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More from HombresSeriamentes.com, while the Mexican Navy (who knew they had one?) is helping us fight the good fight, not all of Mexico is behind la guerra a los animales.
“Blacky” the burro has been released from jail serving just three days of its sentence, after being tried and convicted of assault in battery (on humans) and found guilty in a court of law. This blog is outraged at this miscarriage of justice. This sets a terrible example for animals, and suggests that they are above the law because they aren’t humans.
We say, if they are not humans, they can certainly be tried as enemy combatants.
Written by Bryan McBournieSwing batta, swing batta, no pitcha, plenty of batta
Posted on May 27, 2008
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Baseball deals can be just oh so much fun sometimes. It’s kind of funny to see just how much one team will pay for a player (or players). In our rather materialistic society (c’mon, it’s not negative if it’s social commentary), we tend to place value on both everything and everyone, and it’s not uncommon for us to place a value upon the players involved in trades in order to justify our entertainment. I mean, who would’ve thought that [insert blank name here] would totally not be worth that $20 million, am I right? However, Canada would have us think otherwise of our little value-placing game. Instead, thanks to them, we can now classify the value of minor league pitcher John Odom as ten bats.
And no, the bats don’t fly.
Written by Chris "Chugs" TaylorWarriors of the Week: The Mexican Navy
Posted on May 27, 2008
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In our ongoing coverage of summer, we’ve learned from our hermana site, HombresSeriementes, that the Mexican Navy is hunting sharks.
The current campaign involves three boats, a helicopter and spotters on the beach. It is a retaliatory strike after sharks killed two swimmers and maimed another on the Pacific Coast.
How serious are the Mexicans? “‘We’ve done reconnaissance flights,’ [said] Rear Adm. Arturo Bernal.” That’s right: top brass are on this mission.
It makes you wonder how the United States Navy can just sit back at their bases while the enemy draws silently to our beaches — circling, waiting — when the Mexicans are taking action. One thing is certain: you can’t call them Mexidon’ts.
Written by Rick SneeParrots will find you right after they find themselves
Posted on May 27, 2008
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Animals: they know where you live. But even worse, they know where they live! We have ranted and warned about the perceived growing intelligence, but now we have clear evidence.
An African grey parrot got lost from its owner’s home. Normally, that would be bad enough, since those birds cost a pretty penny and represent at least one decent meal. However, when the bird was found by someone, the bird told to its rescuer its address.
This bird is no doubt a sleeper cell. We recommend snuffing out this loose end as soon as possible.
Written by Bryan McBournie