Day: May 28, 2008

Take it from Snee: Scarves are not enough

I’d like to start this week’s TifS by congratulating Michelle Malkin and her fearless campaign to scare Dunkin’ Donuts into dropping an ad because she’s afraid of a scarf. If you’re just tuning in (leave those dials on your monitor alone!), Ms. Malkin was offended by an ad featuring Rachel Ray wearing a keffiyeh, the scarf traditionally worn by Islamofascicommuvikings. She threatened a boycott and Dunkin’ Donuts proved that doing things is what they like to do. (In this case, caving.)

However, I can’t leave it at congratulations. You see, Ms. Malkin just didn’t go far enough to assuage my fears of terror, terrorism, terrorists and terry cloths. Continue reading Take it from Snee: Scarves are not enough

Wen Jiabao has invited you to The Maoist Party

Sure, he may be busy trying to get aid to his people and helping rebuild an earthquake-tattered part of his country, but that doesn’t mean Chinese Premier Wen Jiabao does not have time to tag you in pics from last weekend, or ask you to add 800,000 applications everyday. He will even write nice messages on your wall.

Wen now has a Facebook profile and probably wants to add you as a friend. It is not clear how he got there, most perplexing is that Facebook is blocked in China, anyway, but he seems to be there to stay. So next time you want to keep up on what the Chinese premier is doing, remember: don’t go to MySpace, go to Facebook.

He’s probably got tons of fake MySpace profiles, anyway.

New baby in Near Mint/Very Fine condition, VERY R@R3!!

So, you’ve clearly followed all of our advice here at SG. You’ve met that special someone in your life, the two of you have taken pictures where you’re superglued to each other and you’ve even managed to tie the knot! Congratulations! A year’s gone by and oops! Guess that lambskin lived up to its 64% protection rate. Oh no, a kiddy’s on the way! What to do? SeriouslyGuys has been blocked from work and as such, you have no idea how to raise a child. WHAT. ARE. YOU. TO. DO?

Well, if you’re from Vancouver, then clearly, the smart thing to do is put your newborn child up on Craigslist for the going rate of $10, 000 Canadian. Hey, if you’re really smart, you can exchange the baby for the chance to make another baby, if you’re into that whole thing.

Yes, I suppose that this is a bad thing, but, hey, there is a good side to the story. 10,000 dollars Canadian translates to $10,100 American. We’re back in business, baby! U-S-A! U-S-A!

The war to end all boars

This blog is still none too trusting of Germany. Sure, things may be better since the trial separation, but there is still plenty of time for its aggressive tendencies to make a comeback. That said, the War on Animals seems to be taking a dangerous turn: the enemy is helping local law enforcement.

German police were chasing a suspected car thief through a forest. They really were not sure if they could get to him in the darkness. Yet they ended up catching up to him quite easily. Why? Because the thief was stopped by wild boars.

Yes, the animals are now working with law enforcement officials, which is probably the cleverest move they have made yet. First, they are helping round up humans by humans, and secondly, they are gaining the trust of those in charge, perhaps earning some contacts or double agents.