Take it from Snee: Scarves are not enough
Posted on May 28, 2008
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I’d like to start this week’s TifS by congratulating Michelle Malkin and her fearless campaign to scare Dunkin’ Donuts into dropping an ad because she’s afraid of a scarf. If you’re just tuning in (leave those dials on your monitor alone!), Ms. Malkin was offended by an ad featuring Rachel Ray wearing a keffiyeh, the scarf traditionally worn by Islamofascicommuvikings. She threatened a boycott and Dunkin’ Donuts proved that doing things is what they like to do. (In this case, caving.)
However, I can’t leave it at congratulations. You see, Ms. Malkin just didn’t go far enough to assuage my fears of terror, terrorism, terrorists and terry cloths. Read more
Written by Rick SneeWen Jiabao has invited you to The Maoist Party
Posted on May 28, 2008
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Sure, he may be busy trying to get aid to his people and helping rebuild an earthquake-tattered part of his country, but that doesn’t mean Chinese Premier Wen Jiabao does not have time to tag you in pics from last weekend, or ask you to add 800,000 applications everyday. He will even write nice messages on your wall.
Wen now has a Facebook profile and probably wants to add you as a friend. It is not clear how he got there, most perplexing is that Facebook is blocked in China, anyway, but he seems to be there to stay. So next time you want to keep up on what the Chinese premier is doing, remember: don’t go to MySpace, go to Facebook.
He’s probably got tons of fake MySpace profiles, anyway.
Written by Bryan McBournieNew baby in Near Mint/Very Fine condition, VERY R@R3!!
Posted on May 28, 2008
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So, you’ve clearly followed all of our advice here at SG. You’ve met that special someone in your life, the two of you have taken pictures where you’re superglued to each other and you’ve even managed to tie the knot! Congratulations! A year’s gone by and oops! Guess that lambskin lived up to its 64% protection rate. Oh no, a kiddy’s on the way! What to do? SeriouslyGuys has been blocked from work and as such, you have no idea how to raise a child. WHAT. ARE. YOU. TO. DO?
Well, if you’re from Vancouver, then clearly, the smart thing to do is put your newborn child up on Craigslist for the going rate of $10, 000 Canadian. Hey, if you’re really smart, you can exchange the baby for the chance to make another baby, if you’re into that whole thing.
Yes, I suppose that this is a bad thing, but, hey, there is a good side to the story. 10,000 dollars Canadian translates to $10,100 American. We’re back in business, baby! U-S-A! U-S-A!
Written by Chris "Chugs" TaylorThe war to end all boars
Posted on May 28, 2008
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This blog is still none too trusting of Germany. Sure, things may be better since the trial separation, but there is still plenty of time for its aggressive tendencies to make a comeback. That said, the War on Animals seems to be taking a dangerous turn: the enemy is helping local law enforcement.
German police were chasing a suspected car thief through a forest. They really were not sure if they could get to him in the darkness. Yet they ended up catching up to him quite easily. Why? Because the thief was stopped by wild boars.
Yes, the animals are now working with law enforcement officials, which is probably the cleverest move they have made yet. First, they are helping round up humans by humans, and secondly, they are gaining the trust of those in charge, perhaps earning some contacts or double agents.
Written by Bryan McBournieEat My Sports: Quarterly calls
Posted on May 27, 2008
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Officially past the quarter mark of the 2008 MLB season and we’ve had some surprises, some things we’ve expected and the last place Yankees. We’re going to size up the top teams in each league, then give you the one team to look out for. Us in the sporting world call this the “wild card,” look it up.
AL East
At 31-20 the newly christened Tampa Bay Rays have the best percentage mark thus far. I really like the Rays, their young talent is spry and standing tall like a seasoned porn vet. The longevity of this club to sustain season-long success isn’t going to hold though. It’s going flop like Ron Jeremy staring down a donkey. Don’t expect the Yankees to finish in the cellar, but don’t expect them to beat out Boston or Tampa either. The Rays’ pitching will falter down the stretch, and look for the Sox to take the crown, but the Rays in the wild card. Read more
The laws are strange south of the border
Posted on May 27, 2008
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More from HombresSeriamentes.com, while the Mexican Navy (who knew they had one?) is helping us fight the good fight, not all of Mexico is behind la guerra a los animales.
“Blacky” the burro has been released from jail serving just three days of its sentence, after being tried and convicted of assault in battery (on humans) and found guilty in a court of law. This blog is outraged at this miscarriage of justice. This sets a terrible example for animals, and suggests that they are above the law because they aren’t humans.
We say, if they are not humans, they can certainly be tried as enemy combatants.
Written by Bryan McBournieSwing batta, swing batta, no pitcha, plenty of batta
Posted on May 27, 2008
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Baseball deals can be just oh so much fun sometimes. It’s kind of funny to see just how much one team will pay for a player (or players). In our rather materialistic society (c’mon, it’s not negative if it’s social commentary), we tend to place value on both everything and everyone, and it’s not uncommon for us to place a value upon the players involved in trades in order to justify our entertainment. I mean, who would’ve thought that [insert blank name here] would totally not be worth that $20 million, am I right? However, Canada would have us think otherwise of our little value-placing game. Instead, thanks to them, we can now classify the value of minor league pitcher John Odom as ten bats.
And no, the bats don’t fly.
Written by Chris "Chugs" TaylorWarriors of the Week: The Mexican Navy
Posted on May 27, 2008
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In our ongoing coverage of summer, we’ve learned from our hermana site, HombresSeriementes, that the Mexican Navy is hunting sharks.
The current campaign involves three boats, a helicopter and spotters on the beach. It is a retaliatory strike after sharks killed two swimmers and maimed another on the Pacific Coast.
How serious are the Mexicans? “‘We’ve done reconnaissance flights,’ [said] Rear Adm. Arturo Bernal.” That’s right: top brass are on this mission.
It makes you wonder how the United States Navy can just sit back at their bases while the enemy draws silently to our beaches — circling, waiting — when the Mexicans are taking action. One thing is certain: you can’t call them Mexidon’ts.
Written by Rick SneeParrots will find you right after they find themselves
Posted on May 27, 2008
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Animals: they know where you live. But even worse, they know where they live! We have ranted and warned about the perceived growing intelligence, but now we have clear evidence.
An African grey parrot got lost from its owner’s home. Normally, that would be bad enough, since those birds cost a pretty penny and represent at least one decent meal. However, when the bird was found by someone, the bird told to its rescuer its address.
This bird is no doubt a sleeper cell. We recommend snuffing out this loose end as soon as possible.
Written by Bryan McBournieMasterChugs Theater: ‘Day of the Dead(2008)’
Posted on May 23, 2008
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With the success of the Dawn of the Dead remake it was only a matter of time before the other Romero zombie flicks were remade. Early out of the gate is Steve Miner’s adaptation of the military zombie allegory Day of the Dead, a movie that can at best be described as comical. Alas, if only we could say that this movie was at its best. Hit the jump if you’re a masochist. Read more
Written by Chris "Chugs" Taylor « go back — keep looking »