Day: June 12, 2008

How To: Lay off an employee

Chances are that, if you’re reading this Web site, then you are a big shot. We like to think we cater SeriouslyGuys to all you captains (and captainesses) of industry with our extravagant Google Ads and polo shirts.

But you’ve been collecting a lot of chickens the past ten years, so they’re about set to roost. We’re not going to say any dirty bourgeoisie words like “recession.” We’ll just say times will be tough for people not as skilled as you. When that time comes, you will need to know how to lay off an employee. Continue reading How To: Lay off an employee

Marvel is officially Un-American

Captain America still refuses to give us a quote.Non-American? Unamerican?

Whatever, Marvel is no longer a good American company.

It’s been a little more than a year since Marvel killed off Captain America, cowardly shooting him in the back with a sniper rifle. You’d think they’d treat the guy with some respect now that he’s dead right? We mean, even Nixon got the golden boy treatment when he kicked off.

But no! They’ve also editted his cameo out of the new Incredible Hulk film!

For shame, Marvel! What happened to loving your country and countrymen who stop bullets with flag-colored shields? Now say 10 Pledge of Allegiances and all will be forgiven.

The scourge known as Sudoku

Let’s face it. The problem is everywhere you look. It’s on street corners, it’s on coffee tables, it’s even on the subways of our fair nation. It has the potential to ruin lives. The problem we are speaking of, of course, is Sudoku.

Recently, Sudoku hit the Australian judicial system when a trial for another vice, drugs, was aborted after it was found jurors were spending half of their time playing Sudoku. The scandal was uncovered the court discovered that some jurors were writing notes vertically during the trial.

Known for hooking people after just one try, Sudoku transfixes people with numbers and little boxes. Before you know it, you are doing the puzzles during dinner. From there, you are just a step away from sexual favors in a back alley for a pencil.

Don’t do Sudoku. Face your addiction, then conquer it.

WHAT DID WE GET? OUR TIME IN COURT!

So, in May, SG reported to you about how Lesbians are trying to get their own name. Well, their time in court is here.

Lesbians from Lesbos are suing the other lesbians because apparently being a Lesbian doesn’t mean that you’re, you know … into lesbians. Attending Lilith Fair, though, still continues to mean that you are. Did you understand all of that? Because despite the number of times that I’ve read this story, all I got out of it was a headache.

The loveliest of all was the …

There is a lot of scary news out there today, and the positive spin is coming from that liberal bastion of print media, USA Today.

First off, a unicorn has been found in Italy. OK, well not a real unicorn, because it’s a deer. However, it does indeed have a horn in the middle of its head. No picture is available, but an artist’s rendering makes it look nothing short of frightening.

Remember, the unicorn was smote by God himself for being too damn stubborn to get on a boat with all the other animals when the floods came. The existence of a unicorn today is blasphemous and clear sign that the animals are not only at war with us, but God, too.

Scientists in Indonesia have found macaque monkeys that have learned how to fish. Folks, this is way too human-like. Pretty soon, people are going to start saying we might be somehow related to these creatures. Though it was discovered these monkeys learned how to fish, what was more shocking was that they were also wearing sleeveless shirts and drinking Budweiser.