Day: June 23, 2008

The undead hit America’s freezer

There are a lot of things that one can find fascinating about Alaska. Its pristine state makes it a popular tourist attraction these days. But it’s not just for the living.

It is with shock that this blog reports zombies took over Fairbanks, Alaska yesterday. While we are not sure where they came from, or why they chose Fairbanks (Anchorage is much nicer), but there they were, walking through town in one of the daringest displays we have seen yet from the undead.

“There will be snack time at the cemetery,” Tarah Sickels told the group of about 20 zombies, who proceeded to moan for brains and clamor slowly toward the Golden Heart Plaza.

The horror. The horror.

There’s always room for v-i-o-l-e-n-c-e

Girls fighting in kiddie pools full of gelatin is usually a sober, dignified affair, but one sore loser at a Cambridge University contest had to go and spoil the dignity of the occasion by punching out a few spectators. Hey, this is Cambridge jelly wrestling—show some respect! People, take it from a professional who knows how to carry himself with dignity regarding a hallowed event such a Jell-O wrestling, it’s just not worth it to fight over water and colored agar gel.

Now, pudding wrestling, I can understand fists and feet being thrown over a decision in that.

Justice, finally, for the disabled

Police in Queensland, Australia charged a 64-year-old disabled man for “drink driving” (isn’t the Queen’s English the cutest?) … his wheelchair.

He was found asleep in the middle of the highway with a BAC of .301, which is over six times the legal limit. Traffic was forced to swerve around him.

At news of this poor man’s capture, all this blog can say is finally. Handicapped people get everything, from premium parking to their own Olympics, and we are sick and tired of it.

Sure, it’s sad they can’t walk, but we can’t palm a basketball. Where’s our multi-million-dollar Special NBA contracts? We also can’t roll our tongues when speaking Español, but our speech impediment didn’t get us into any special schools. But we’re digressing.

Point is, it’s about time someone levelled the playing field for those of us who don’t get to sit down all day.

The McBournie Minute: Passing of a legend

By now, many of you have probably heard the sad news this morning that George Carlin died yesterday. I know you are thinking I should not care about celebrity deaths, but it would be a major faux pas on this blog’s part if there was not some mention or tribute paid to Carlin, though he himself would probably tell you he doesn’t deserve it–not because he was modest, but because he is made from the same diseased, festering piles of humanity that the rest of us are. Even so, when the someone like Carlin passes away, the comedic world is shaken to its core.

I remember when I saw him perform in Burlington, Vermont several years ago. Not being a big town, Carlin used the performance, as many comedians do, to try out new material and figure out what works. I was amazed at how this man, then in his late 60s, was so full of energy, almost to the point of hyperactivity. Here was a man I had grown to admire as I was exposed more and more to him in my high school days. My parents, who were sitting right next to me, had grown up listening to his edgy comedy. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Passing of a legend