How To: Use a condom
Posted on July 31, 2008
Filed Under How To, Sex Sells | Leave a Comment |
So a certain SeriouslyMom found a condom tied around the door handle of her car in the parking lot of Target in Huntsville, Alabama. It was not a used rubber (which would make it an official scum bag), but just an unpackaged and unfurled lubricated windsock.
Perplexed by this happenstance, she consulted with the most qualified behavioral experts she knew: The Guys. After ruling out gang activity, satanic worship and swim team hazing, we determined it to be a, well, crime we guess of ignorance.
You see, Alabama is a red state. Even the clay here is red (and goopy). While the stores obviously sell condoms, teenagers aren’t taught how to use them, so the items are a bit of a mystery to them. (”Why are those balloons behind the counter?”)
With this in mind, we are taking a little time out of our busy “gettin’ busy” schedules to teach them, and anyone else living in 1958, how to use a condom. Read more
Written by Rick SneeObama/Luda ‘08
Posted on July 31, 2008
Filed Under Scurry '08 | Leave a Comment |
And this guy was supposed to be the modern President. Presidential hopefull Barack Obama slammed a new rap by resident “Move B****” rapper Ludacris. Barack basically wrapped the whole thing up by claiming the rap was “offensive” and that Ludacris should be “ashamed” of the rap that spit out that our current President is “mentally handicapped.” That’s my Bush!
Written by Bryan SchoolsWould you like to God-size that?
Posted on July 31, 2008
Filed Under Regular Post | Leave a Comment |
In an effort apparently to cut down on food costs and American obesity, Cathedral of Faith Church of God in Christ (yikes, that’s a mouthful) is offering drive-through prayers. And you thought your church was weird.
Rev. Chris Martin (not of Coldplay) said that the best thing about their project was taking the church “to the streets.” That’s right folks, Cathedral of Faith Church of God in Christ is the Thug Life of the Christian community.
Written by Bryan SchoolsEven we could have told him this was a bad idea
Posted on July 31, 2008
Filed Under Too Soon? | Leave a Comment |
The corpse of Father Adelir Antonio de Carli was found off the shore of Macea. Now, we’re sure the questions as to why there is a body of a priest just floating around the Atlantic. Carli, in a “what the hell are you thinking?” moment, decided that a good fundraiser would be to attach himself to hundreds of helium balloons in order to fly across the sea. What ever happened to the days of a good, old-fashioned telathon?
Written by Bryan SchoolsTake it from Snee: Discovery jumped the shark
Posted on July 30, 2008
Filed Under Take it from Snee | 1 Comment |
As you’ve probably noticed, I’m a pretty smart guy. In fact, I’d go so far as to say that I’m downright intelligent. I eat right, I read the same three books a lot, and I only watch educational programming on television.
So what did I see when I turned on the Discovery Channel this weekend? Sharks. Nothing but sharks. Swimming killing machines as far as the TV Guide channel would scroll.
Even when a shark program wasn’t on, there were shark-themed advertisements, including plugs for their own “Shark Week” episodes of all their regular shows. Every show involves sharks now, even non-shark shows like Dirty Jobs. (Guess what they catch on this week’s Deadliest Catch? Hint: it’s actually deadly this time.)
It was with this marketing stretch that I realized something disturbing: the Discovery Channel has jumped the shark! Read more
Written by Rick SneeCat got your tongue, steak, chicken and whatever else you have to eat
Posted on July 30, 2008
Filed Under War on Animals | Leave a Comment |
Cats: they’re free-loading furballs who cough up messes on your carpet and consider licking themselves an actual form of bathing. They are of the same family as tigers and lions, some of the most vicious man-eaters of our time.
Now we have Princess Chunk, a 44-pound snow white cat from New Jersey. We know what you’re thinking, only in Jersey could there be a near 50-pound heffer of a feline. Princess Chunk was found by a local animal shelter wandering the streets, perhaps looking for her next meal. We can only speculate that Chunk is done with cat food and is migrating towards humans, the beast must be stopped!
Written by Bryan SchoolsSupport your troops
Posted on July 30, 2008
Filed Under War on Animals | Leave a Comment |
If there could be medals handed out for the War on Animals, Jamison Stone would receive a Purple Heart for his job well done in capping a 1,000-pound hog. Front line soldiers are always the bravest. Stone has not been truly appreciated for his efforts in ridding the town of 9-foot-long freakish monster. In the year plus since dedicating himself to the SG War on Animals, 800 signatures have been gathered online petitioning for the boy to be prosecuted.
Send your e-mails to any of the Guys to protest this protest.
Written by Bryan SchoolsPorn still not considered an art film in France
Posted on July 30, 2008
Filed Under Sex Sells | Leave a Comment |
A couple in France have been arrested for filming a porn scene on the site of a World War I memorial built for Canadian soldiers. To be fair, the excuse could be made that the memorial site does look like the kind of place where people should be having outdoor sex. Except, it doesn’t at all. Awk-ward.
Written by Chris "Chugs" TaylorWe’ll take “Potent Potables” or “Pregnant Prostitution”
Posted on July 30, 2008
Filed Under Sex Sells | Leave a Comment |
It’s been a busy week for us here trying to keep up with all the stripper/hooker related news, but this one takes the baby cake. It’s the mother of all hooker stories. It’s so good you’ll slap your mama. Mama said knock you out, I’m gonna knock you out. Alright, finished with the puns.
If you ever wanted some baby booty, look no further than Missouri where cops busted a pregnant prostitution ring. The arrests have led to the debate that if they are pregant, are they still considered milfs?
Written by Bryan SchoolsCocaine: no longer the new jet fuel
Posted on July 30, 2008
Filed Under Regular Post | Leave a Comment |
With gas prices hovering around $4.00 a gallon, we understand that the pinch at the pump might be tighter than 50 Cent (or as we know him as, half a dollar) and Kanye West dropping an album on the same day (bazing). Some money saving adjustments have been offered, like carpooling, taking the bus, re-enslaving those free-loading dogs and cats and making them drag a sled to work.
This genius though decided that stealing jet fuel would be the sensible alternative. We would like to commend him for originality if Peter Griffin had not achieved this first, hehehehehehehehehe.
Written by Bryan Schools keep looking »