Come fly Air Abu Ghraib
Posted on July 7, 2008
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What can possibly make the airline experience any better? After all, you already get to deal with long lines, airline employees who refuse to look you in the eye, getting felt up and the eventual cancellation of your flight shortly after you reach the gate. If you said, “Electroshock therapy! Electroshock therapy is the only thing that could possibly make flying more enjoyable!” you win, dear reader.
The Washington Times (motto: “Young People Are Ruining The World”) reported that the U.S. Department of Homeland Security is considering ID bracelets that would expedite the traveling experience on the security end. It would serve as a boarding pass, contain personal information about you and helps keep track of your luggage.
Oh, and it can also shock you, rendering you immobile for several minutes.
(Via Consumerist)
Written by Bryan McBournieWay to go, showbusiness
Posted on July 7, 2008
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You actors and other performers think you’re so clever, don’t you? You throw around your undecipherable industry terms like Best Boy and whammy bar and don’t think it’ll ever come back to bite you in the looping reel.
Well, this blog hopes you’re happy. Why couldn’t you just wish this poor woman good luck during all her years as an opera singer? No, you had to be clever.
Wishing someone would break a leg is the same as taking a pipe wrench, maybe rigging the leg in some kind of braced suspension system and hitting it as hard as you can.
That’s what you do with your “olde thimey” traditions. It’s this same mentality that allows people to step on cracks to break their own poor mother’s backs: “because it’s always been done that way.”
Seriously, why do you hate old ladies, showbusiness? You and your arcane ways disgust us.
Written by Rick SneeWales continues to be uneducated individuals–but knows how to get probed
Posted on July 7, 2008
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A bit of an incendiary headline? Yeah, I’ll admit it is. But before the people of Wales start emailing me hate mail consisting of a bunch of consonants and only one vowel, just pause for a second and read.
Over the past few years, we’ve seen the effects of UFOs on the population. They make everyone pause and shriek in terror, and for good reason too: no one wants to get mutilated or probed. That’s just yucky. Well, who would expect a UFO to have the gall to appear recently in Wales? No one did–which is why a Welsh citizen called the local police to make sure that they knew a UFO was in the general area. Good job, citizen … right?
When I was a lad, my mom would sing to me a song that started out with “I see the moon and the moon sees me”. It would seem that no one in south Wales has ever had that song, as the unidentified flying object in question was the moon. Yes, the same moon seen every night since … ever. No one recognized the moon. Not so much a good job, citizen.
Written by Chris "Chugs" TaylorThe McBournie Minute: Save me from the superheroes
Posted on July 7, 2008
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It’s not exactly news to anyone that Hollywood is out of ideas creatively. They have been for at least a decade now. Television and cinema are quite possibly the best examples of how we as Americans love having our favorite shows repackaged and sold again to us. There are so many tangents on this point, but I am going to stick with one that is especially topical this summer: superheroes.
Iron Man. The Incredible Hulk. Hancock. The Dark Knight. I myself am guilty of wanting to see these movies. In May I said I wanted to see them this summer because they looked good, but in truth, of the three out so far, I have only seen one. It is not that they suddenly lost their appeal to me, it is just that I can only watch the same thing so many times in a row and justify paying for it. Read more
Written by Bryan McBournie