Take it from Snee: No more satire
Posted on July 16, 2008
Filed Under Take it from Snee | |
If you’re a regular reader of “Take it from Snee,” then you’re probably expecting some satire. Well, not this week and never again.
You see, I’ve learned something this week: satire isn’t funny unless everyone agrees it is. In fact, the only successful satire ever written was A Modest Proposal by Jonathan Swift, and that’s only because people don’t read it until high school after a teacher explains the joke. (Spoiler alert: British people love to eat Irish babies.)
I could go ahead and just explain every TifS, but I’m still a lazy man even when I’m no longer satirical. Instead, I’ve chosen to denounce Rick Snee’s most inflammatory statements, which I find offensive and wholly inappropriate.
For starters, when Mr. Snee made light of a possible economic recession and the downfall of Starbucks Coffee, cell phone bling, Ritalin, teeth whitening products and dams, he ignored the seriousness of this situation for many Americans. Without Starbucks, the teeth whitening industry will suffer serious profit losses.
Just as deplorable are Mr. Snee’s comments about the cell phone bling industry, which is the sole remaining U.S. product besides blogs and military hardware. My grandmother loomed Angora rabbit wool until the day she died, Mr. Snee. Are you saying today’s crafters don’t deserve to share the American Dream? (To loom?)
Lastly, there is nothing more patriotic than a giving a dam, somewhere in your country. We named one after Herbert Hoover, so you know this is true. My need to love my country outweighs your need to make me laugh, Mr. Snee. To deter me from honoring America is as Un-American as mom pie and eating apples.
In another of his “humor” pieces, Mr. Snee compared deaf people to illegal Mexican immigrants who refuse to learn or speak English. To this article, I have two wildly-divergent opinions:
- Comparing Mexican migratory workers to deaf people implies they are disabled by simply being Mexican.
- Comparing deaf people to Mexican migratory workers implies they are not American by simply not listening.
I cannot decide which side of me is more offended: the side that condescends to race or the side that condescends to handicapped people. One the one hand, I have to think of my black best friend’s feelings about this matter. Who will speak up for him if I won’t? But on the other hand, I really, really loved The Other Sister.
Unfortunately, I can only choose one group to back. So, I’m going be the handicappeds’ white knight because speaking for racial minorities hasn’t been fashionable since 1989.
I take great umbrage in Mr. Snee’s portrayal of deaf people as not American. Many were born deaf, which means they can’t help it just as much as being born American. It is important that we never forget all of the deaf people who contributed so much to America like Beethoven and … that hard-of-hearing guy in The Patriot.
So, with all of this said, I will now throw Rick Snee under the bus. The fact that he refuses to apologize or even acknowledge my feelings makes this all the easier.
From here on out, Mr. Snee does not speak for me, the “Take it from Snee” feature or you, the reader. As the most offended of all of you, I hereby propose myself as the new writer of “Take it from Snee” and trust that you will all agree that I deserve this honor the most.
Besides, SeriouslyGuys can’t afford to pay a Mexican to write it.
Written by Rick SneeComments
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