Eat My Sports: Music edition
Posted on July 22, 2008
Filed Under Eat My Sports | Leave a Comment |
It hit me earlier this week, we need an overhaul. Basically for going on 20 years, we as an American sports nation have relied too heavily on the same songs, over and over and over and over and over and over again at our sporting events. Someone wins, you get Queen’s “We Are The Champions,” someone gets ejected or loses, it’s Steam’s “Na Na Hey Hey Kiss Him Goodbye,” to get the crowd pumped up you play “Rock and Roll Part 2″ by Gary Glitter, or, enter any of these: Read more
Written by Bryan SchoolsGeneralization: just one of our many services
Posted on July 22, 2008
Filed Under Scurry '08 | Leave a Comment |
It’s time to play our country’s favorite game … How Does One Guy Represent All Black Americans?!
Today’s question is a tough one, so pay close attention:
If Barack Obama is elected President, would this mean that all black people …
a) … are equal to whites now?
b) … will get better jobs?
c) … who aren’t Barack Obama will not be President?
Send your responses to race-baiting@slownews.com.
Written by Rick SneeTiny phone big in Japan no longer
Posted on July 22, 2008
Filed Under Fun Fact, Sex Sells, Tokyoh-no! | Leave a Comment |
Fun fact:
Did you know that every time you snap a picture on the Japanese version of the iPhone 3G it will make an audible “shutter click” noise that you can’t turn off, even when the phone is on silent mode? Why? So upskirt perverts can’t do their dirty work undetected!
OK, actually, almost all new phones in Japan are supposed to do this … which is slightly disturbing. The only things that can make this situation better are:
- the entire voyeur industry to come together to sue Apple, Nokia, Motorola and so forth for interfering with their right to profit.
- someone invents EMP underwear.
- Japan gets a clue and stops becoming so weird that these limitations need to be implemented.
The sting of the attack
Posted on July 22, 2008
Filed Under War on Animals | Leave a Comment |
We are in this war to win it. For too long, animals have walked the Earth, posing a threat to humanity and democracy. But just because we have stepped up our operations this summer doesn’t mean the animals have taken the summer off.
One of the worst continued threats we have faced this summer is bees. Sometimes they are forming tornadoes, but this time, in an attack eerily similar to that on our allies to the north, bees were attacking commuters as they were heading to work. Luckily, the attack was in New Jersey, where we can afford to lose ground, but still, we cannot allow the harassment of our kind as they go to work and further the economy.
We need to hit these bastards and hit them hard.
Written by Bryan McBournieWinning the battles, losing to the horse
Posted on July 22, 2008
Filed Under War on Animals | Leave a Comment |
For those of you who had thought you had seen the last of the lead hooker on Sex and the City, your nightmare isn’t over. Apparently Sarah Jessica Parker, who has a close connection to the horse family, has landed a new television show.
Parker’s new venture, “American Artist,” will be picked up by Bravo in the fall. New shows for her movie castmates have not been announced, which we consider good news for men everywhere.
Written by Bryan Schools