Take it from Snee: Batman is not Bush
Posted on July 23, 2008
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Remember when 300 was released and everyone was arguing whether George Bush was Leonidas or the Iraqi people were the Spartans? Or when both conservatives and liberals were claiming the titular role in V for Vendetta? Or if that was too long ago for you, how about when Wall-E came out and the Internet pipes burned with fat indigestion indignation and anti-environmentalism?
After The Dark Knight’s record-breaking weekend, several eggheads are already suggesting that Batman is President George Bush in the War of Terror.
SG Side Note:
If terrorists want to frighten Americans again, and–let’s face it–they haven’t lately, they should dress like clowns. Imagine those tiny little cars stuffed with 20 suicide bombers. Zounds!
As much as I love a good geek slapfight, I’m gonna have to put this one to rest. Sorry, but The Dark Knight is not about George Bush. It is, in fact, about my Great-Uncle Mortimer. Read more
Written by Rick SneeYeah, I’d hit that
Posted on July 23, 2008
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We here at SG are completely aware of some of the unfortunate effects of aging. We know that loss of hearing, loss of sight, tougher memory recall and hitting pedestrians with your car, then keep on going, all come with the territory, Robert Novak.
In another age related story, Golden Girl Estelle Getty died from advanced dimentia yesterday. We would like to thank the Golden Girls program for inspiring the classic Airheads to ask for naked pictures of Bea Arthur as ransom.
Written by Bryan SchoolsThe cock of the walk
Posted on July 23, 2008
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High school graduation ceremonies are lame. The valedictorian always starts off by quoting what Webster’s dictionary defines as “success” or “achievement,” everyone’s wearing those stupid looking hats, and it take forever to get through all of the names. If only someone would dress up like genitalia.
In Saratoga Springs, New York, that’s exactly what happened.
Calvin Morrett, 19, dressed up as a penis for his high school graduation. Why? Why not dress up as a penis for your high school graduation? Some people, however, were not amused by the stunt that is sure to get Morrett lots of chicks.
He was charged with and plead guilty to being totally awesome disorderly conduct. The sentence: paying for an apology to be published in the local newspaper. DUN DUN DUN!
Where does one even find a penis costume?
Written by Bryan McBournieA legend unto itself
Posted on July 23, 2008
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Can you imagine a painting so brazen, so abandoned and so vulgar that it could not be shown in public for more than 60 years? Why, by just reading about it, you’re already being condemned to the worst afterlife that could possibly happen. A place filled only by communist clowns, hatchet murders, baby kissers and Uwe Boll. A place where your soul can never return from.
It couldn’t be a tasteful nude piece, right? Right?
RIGHT? Welcome to the difference between 1947 and now.
(Link is possibly Not Safe For Work-be on the safe side and think that it isn’t)
Written by Chris "Chugs" TaylorWall Street: the new Drunktown USA?
Posted on July 23, 2008
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George W. Bush, the cunning wordsmith that he is, told a crowd at a recent GOP fundraiser, that Wall Street “got drunk” and “got a hangover.” Unconfirmed reports have Wall Street getting drunk while revisiting the classic George W. Bush drinking game.
There have yet to be any reports of Wall Street waking up with marker on it’s face for violating the shoes off before you pass out rule, or if it used protection on it’s bonds, but we’ll keep you posted.
Written by Bryan SchoolsDamn, dirty insects
Posted on July 23, 2008
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In a follow-up to this week’s sting of the attack, one New Jersey man decided to take the War on Animals to his own personal Defcon 5. Isias Vidal Maceda blew up his apartment on Monday while trying to exterminate those pesky pests. If it is a war the animals wanted, then a war they’ve got.
Written by Bryan SchoolsFrom zero to drunk in 0.491
Posted on July 23, 2008
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Stanley Kobierowski (Ko-beer-ow-ski) of Rhode Island was arrested early on Tuesday morning after his car crashed into an Interstate 95 message board. After allegedly attempting to, but clearly being too drunk to resist arrest, the Bier man was taken into police custody and showed BAC readings of 0.489 and 0.491. The last person we knew that hit 0.400 was Ted Williams. And given that WIlliams is dead, and 0.5 usually means you’re dead, we’re assuming it was a wicked hangover.
Written by Bryan SchoolsThe sword is mightier than the witch
Posted on July 23, 2008
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Witches: we haven’t covered them in a while, and because the lack of light shown on them, seem to be growing in size as of late. Domestic witch rates are skyrocketing. Women are becoming witches faster than we can dunk them in the river.
What’s even worse is that they have swords with which they choose to accidentally hurt themselves. A witch in Indiana was in the middle of a ceremony involving a sword when she stabbed herself in the foot unintentionally. Yes, she was outside in the dark, under a full moon, with candles lit. She just happened to miss when she tried to drive her sword into the ground. It can only be assumed she bled green.
Worst of all, the ceremony had been in thanks for good luck the witch had had.
Written by Bryan McBournie