Day: July 31, 2008

How To: Use a condom

So a certain SeriouslyMom found a condom tied around the door handle of her car in the parking lot of Target in Huntsville, Alabama. It was not a used rubber (which would make it an official scum bag), but just an unpackaged and unfurled lubricated windsock.

Perplexed by this happenstance, she consulted with the most qualified behavioral experts she knew: The Guys. After ruling out gang activity, satanic worship and swim team hazing, we determined it to be a, well, crime we guess of ignorance.

You see, Alabama is a red state. Even the clay here is red (and goopy). While the stores obviously sell condoms, teenagers aren’t taught how to use them, so the items are a bit of a mystery to them. (“Why are those balloons behind the counter?”)

With this in mind, we are taking a little time out of our busy “gettin’ busy” schedules to teach them, and anyone else living in 1958, how to use a condom. Continue reading How To: Use a condom

Would you like to God-size that?

In an effort apparently to cut down on food costs and American obesity, Cathedral of Faith Church of God in Christ (yikes, that’s a mouthful) is offering drive-through prayers. And you thought your church was weird.

Rev. Chris Martin (not of Coldplay) said that the best thing about their project was taking the church “to the streets.” That’s right folks, Cathedral of Faith Church of God in Christ is the Thug Life of the Christian community.

Even we could have told him this was a bad idea

The corpse of Father Adelir Antonio de Carli was found off the shore of Macea. Now, we’re sure the questions as to why there is a body of a priest just floating around the Atlantic. Carli, in a “what the hell are you thinking?” moment, decided that a good fundraiser would be to attach himself to hundreds of helium balloons in order to fly across the sea. What ever happened to the days of a good, old-fashioned telathon?