NOTE: Chugs is too cool for school this week, so Schools is filling in.
Yeah, we get it.
You’re cool, hip, deep and brooding. You’ve gone to see the new Batman flick for all the right reasons. You read the comics, still revere Michael Keaton as the best, and in noooooooooooo way let Heath Ledger’s death influence you on your own personal opinion of the film.
Bravo. Now on to the real results. Continue reading MasterSchools Theater: ‘The Dark Knight’
We’ve heard all kinds of reasons why Obama shouldn’t even be in this race:
And now, The Wall Street Journal believes he may be too skinny for fat people. Their fear is that fat people won’t vote for someone who can’t identify with their pain. You see, many of them were born with genes that make it impossible for them to look like the models in magazines. Why, in order to even see themselves portrayed in a positive light, they have to create their own publications and television networks.
That’s a cultural experience that Barack Obama could never understand.
But animals are being treated by sick, twisted doctors that have found the benefits of exercise … in a pill. It’s pure speculation at this point, but we have reason to believe that the mice are trying to generate an evil form of Mighty Mouse to fight us in the War on Animals. These cheese-munching descendants of Mickey Mouse are NOT TO BE TRUSTED.
Niagra, Wisconsin is being terrorized by a gun man in camoflauge. He sticks to the woods and carries an assualt rifle, managing to shoot four people already–killing three. His people count could have been higher, but he’s in the woods.
So how has he managed to shoot so many people already? We can’t see him. (Even CNN doesn’t have a picture!) Hell, nobody called the police for the first two because everyone thought it was the Predator, and killing him will just trigger a nuclear blast.
So, be on the lookout, citizens. If you don’t see him, do not try to apprehend him. Tell the police where he might be lurking and don’t reveal any weapons. (That’ll just give your death some honor.)
UPDATE (8/1/08):
They got him! … Or did they?
Keep your eyes in the skies, and set on heat-detection mode.
