Day: August 4, 2008

Seacrest, ouch

It looks as though as the shark population struggles against the crushing weight of our inevitable victory, the beasts get more and more desperate. They are so desperate now that they are trying to buy us off by going after humans we don’t like.

Recently, Ryan Seacrest said he was the victim of a recent shark attack while he was on vacation. According to the American Idol host, a small shark swam up, bit him and swam off. The attack was so bad, he said, that he needed to take a few Advil that night. Likely he has also undergone counseling.

It is clearly an act of desperation, and The Guys will never bow to such attempts of bribery, especially ones that are not successful. However, if the sharks, and the animal population as a whole, still think we could be swayed, we could live in a world without:

  • Jon Bon Jovi
  • Tia Tequila
  • Celine Dion
  • Carson Daly

This plot sounds familiar

In the realm of bad parenting, we encourage our audience to at least be original about it. An Israeli couple, that was traveling to Paris, France, remembered their tickets, to stow away all carry-ons in the overhead compartments, place trays in an upright position and to leave their 3-year-old daughter behind at the airport.

Oh, you’re so original. In no way was that also the plot for Home Alone. Let us guess, if they were to start robbing houses they’d call themselves the “Wet Bandits” as well.

Oh, what a beautiful mornin’

Good morning, America! How’s it hanging?

You got your coffee that barista whipped up extra special for you, using their hands? Did they get a little caramel on a finger and lick it off? It’s amazing they only nicked themselves on that bagel guillotine. Oh, these carefree days!

Oh, by the way:

THE CDC REPORTS THAT THERE’S MORE AMERICANS WITH HIV THAN WE THOUGHT.

Well, hope you a wonderful day!

The McBournie Minute: What a bunch of Croc

I am just back from a week-long vacation at the beach–I know you missed me, but let’s avoid the joyful reunion in the interest of saving us both some time.

At the beach, one can find many things, like seaweed, shells and overweight white people. One can look across the sand dunes and see and endless horizon of umbrellas, towels, chairs and even the occasional kite. Aside from the annoying gulls, screaming children, sand blowing in your face, radios on way too loud and Speedos, the beach can be a very relaxing place to spend one’s time. That is until a new threat emerged: Crocs. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: What a bunch of Croc