Pelican brief

Posted on August 5, 2008
Filed Under War on Animals | |

We would have brought this story to you sooner, obviously, given we’re waging war on these monstrous beasts. Unfortunately, we did not find out about this horrifying attack until last night. Thank you, Inside Edition, and ESPECIALLY Deborah Norville.

Pelicans, they look harmless, they have that comatose look on their face while they awkwardly peruse the ocean for fish. Ladies and gentlemen, meet the kamikaze pilots of our enemy. Tourist Debbie Shoemaker was wading in the Gulf of Mexico in Florida (sounds weird, right?), when she was suddenly pierced in the cheek by a swooping pelican. This was no ordinary facial. The pelican’s beak required Shoemaker to have 26 stitches, and probably years more of pelican-related therapy.

We’re sorry to get this story to you late. But The Guys know it is still vacation season. And if you are anything like Bryan McBournie, and enjoy sipping wine coolers while writing your latest romance novel on the beach, keep a gun handy.

Written by Bryan Schools