War on Animals Alert: Code Red!
Somehow the bears have found out about our efforts against the animal kingdom, and they’re fighting back. A Vancouver woman was gardening last week, when she was attacked, and bitten several times. Early reports detail that there was in fact no pic-a-nic basket.
Lucky for Canadians and SG readers everywhere, a local police officer shot and killed the oversized Teddy Ruxben on location.
There is sadness in San Antonio, today. Citizens will have to make due with ghost riders in the sky, because they will not see a floating banana anytime soon.
Yes, it was announced last week that there will not be a banana blimp in the Texas sky, as had previously been planned. Really, what state doesn’t need a floating fruit vessel? perhaps the most shocking part about all of this is that the banana blimp won’t happen because of lack of funding.
What is wrong with the citizens of Texas, that they don’t want to donate money to make this blimp a reality? Do they not like proper nutrition or something?
A bunch of people who are no good at sex are claiming their replacement habits are better than “it.” Among the activities listed in the CNN article are:
OK, so even if we’re gonna admit these things are really, really nice, there’s still one question: what if you’re having sex while doing all that stuff?
Porn has taught us one thing: it can’t be better than sex if you could improve it with sex. (Take that, skydiving!) (OR, take that skydiving.)
In an updated list of things that priests cannot do with children, the Archdiocese of Cincinnati has issued it’s reformed commando command of things priests are not allowed to do with children. The list includes such staples of the religious community no kissing, no tickling, no wrestling, lap-sitting or bear hugs either. But apparently it’s still OK to give children the “body” of a guy that’s been dead for 2,000 years as well as drink his blood.
As we have been covering recently, the Olympics have begun and the world has come together to compete on the field of sports. Nations have gathered to cheer on their athletes in the interest of seeing their country do the best, and watching underage people in tight clothing.
I know that it may come as a shock to some people, but a lot of the atheletes in the Olympics are only teenagers. If you can’t tell, just wait until they are interviewed and count the number of times you hear the word “like.” Many of these youngsters are in gymnastics, a few are even in diving events. The U.K. has a kid on its team, in which event I cannot remember, and he is 13. Yes, he looks like Harry Potter. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Olympic creepiness
