Eat My Sports: XX years of Madden, thanks GB

Boom. Enough said already, right? Today at 12:01 AM, the 20th edition of the Madden franchise hit stores with a resounding … boom. For 20 years John Madden has taken his game from an eight-bit blur of a figure carrying what looks like the equivalent of dog crap, and morphed it into the definitive gaming franchise ever made. From the five-year-old that you routinely beat the ever-loving Tinactin out of online, to the closet Chicago Bears fan that doubles as a computer analyst, Madden’s all-consuming (literally, see: Thanksgiving in Dallas) approach to football has grabbed everyone by the seams and made them pay attention … and $60 for a freaking video game. Continue reading Eat My Sports: XX years of Madden, thanks GB

In Homer We Trust

From our sister blog HombresSeriamentes.com: Sure, the Euro may be kicking the U.S. dollar’s proverbial ass these days, but at least we can stick our country’s heroes on their coins.

In Spain, a shopkeeper was emptying out a cash register when he found not the image of King Juan Carlos I, but that of Homer Simpson, best down for his love of beer and “los doughnuts.”

Upon hearing the news, the King promptly told Simpson to “shut up.” (HAR! A foreign policy joke! Take THAT, Hugo Chavez!)

What a surprise

Community college faculty and students decided that a four-day work week beats working five days a week.

In unrelated news: potsmokers prefer everything kept in reach of the couch.

Also, this just in: readers believe that the book is better than the movie … unless they’re writing a book repor–

We interrupt the end of this report with this emergency breaking news:

Water’s wet, but only when you touch it.

We now return to the original story in progress.

— because college students are lazy.

Oh, Canada, our combustible laaaaand…

Come one, come all, and come visit the fiery world of Toronto!  Act fast, and you too can see what once was a propane depot, now a smoldering hole in the ground! Book now, and at no charge, we’ll schedule you with a “local’s experience”, allowing you to live like one of those that went through the explosion. Hurry, and you’ll be able to:

See the fireball!

Feel the explosion!

Hear the roar of the blast!

Breath in the wondrous and massive cloud of smoke!

Be evacuated on cramped buses like locals!

Be cut by exploding windows, even if you’re up to a mile away!

Witness what simply must be the handiwork of Michael Bay. Book now!

You cannot kiss the bride any time soon

It is still wedding season, and in upstate New York, a man was arrested on his wedding day because he got too close to his new wife.

The ceremony went just fine, but the groom allegedly got into an argument with one of the wedding guests during the reception (when most fights at weddings are known to occur) and the police were called. Police knew the groom had a protective order protective order against him filed by the bride (apparently this guy was not a stranger at the police barracks) and they arrested him. He was charged with first degree criminal contempt and held without bail.

There is no word yet as to when these star-crossed love birds will be able to consumate the marriage.

Hardcore text

Who is ur nxt VP going 2 b? IDK. LOL, but guess what? Sen. Obama is going to txt us when he chooses a running mate<3 LMAO

Translation: Modern times call for modern solutions (thank you, Dave Chappelle), and that’s why Barack Obama is going to let you know first when he chooses his running mate. Get a text from Obama himself! Standard text messaging rates and carrying fees apply.