Eat My Sports: Trampoline?

Posted on August 19, 2008
Filed Under Eat My Sports | |

I want my childhood back. No, this isn’t one of those “my mommy and daddy didn’t give me enough love, so I started a nu metal band” kind of stories. This is a “I was watching television the other day and saw people competing, and being rewarded for jumping on a trampoline” type story.

I love watching the Olympics, I find it fascinating that one event can draw millions of people to care about sports they otherwise would not give a crap about. I also find myself confused as to why, in the big picture, is it so important that someone can move through water really fast? Now I’m just angry.

Trampolining. First off, I didn’t even know that “trampoline” could be used as a verb. Secondly, I would have re-worked my entire childhood if I had known at some point between doing homework and coming in for peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, that I was training for an Olympic event. You see, I owned trampolines, and I don’t mean that in the fact that I physically had one, but as in if we were in a relationship, I was Bobby, the trampoline was Whitney.

Now, the Olympics have made something that I could have been “training” for, an official event. Not cool. This is like telling any Radford University/JMU/University of Florida/<insert community college here> graduate that Beer Pong has been made an Olympic sport, but that they are not eligible because they already have teams lined up. It’s just cruel.

And furthermore, I am appalled that the International Olympic Committee has not given proper credit to The Man Show, they had girls jumping on trampolines first. And I guarantee that their group would have been a more fitting (not to mention hotter) team to honor the trampoline tradition.

I’m tired of ranting, think I might go trampoline.

Top five things that annoy me in sports this week:
5. Cleveland Browns
That game agains the Giants was disgusting. Don’t be surprised when you are 0-16.
4. Tampa Bay Rays
You guys need to start losing like … pronto.
3. Chinese gymnasts
Oh yeah, I really believe that those 12-year-olds that you put in to competition are actually 16.
2. Michael Phelps
Actually I’m just jealous.
1. Redeem Team
Worst name ever.