That’s one #@%*ing mixed message

OK, so first we’ve got this article on CNN: “Bartering sex for stuff or services.” In it, cases are presented of women offering sex for services like tour guides of the Amazon, test answers and unclogged plumbing for sex.

So, the good news is that the porn industry isn’t completely full of crap. (Well, unless it’s one of those films.)

Next up from the same CNN page on the same day: “FBI: Couple wants car, offers sex with 5-year-old.”

So, apparently there is a right way and a wrong way to whore it up. Thanks for almost clearing that up.

Chicken of the beer community

The lovely Jessica Simpson, unofficial spokeswoman for tuna everywhere, as well as the increasing divorce rate of our counrty, is now the official spokeswoman for Stampede Light Plus. Stampede, a Texas-based brewery is using Simpson’s celeberity to promote the fact that everyone has a beer, including celebrity girlfriends of Dallas Cowboy quarterbacks who choke every postseason.

Life can be stranger than fiction

For anyone in that case, there’s the computer game “Second Life”. However, stories involving “Second Life” always tend to be more surreal than normal. This one is no exception.

A woman wanted for the attempted kidnap of her ex-Second Life boyfriend has been caught after a search that spread across several states. 33-year-old Kimberly Jernigan had an online affair with a 52-year-old man via Second Life, and when he ended the relationship, she became quite distressed … as well as demented. It always works out that way, right?

The relationship ended after the pair had met in real life (likely meaning she didn’t resemble her Second Life avatar enough), and in the beginning of August, Kimberly allegedly drove to her ex-boyfriend’s Pennsylvania workplace and attempted to kidnap the man at gunpoint. Apparently she couldn’t even manage that successfully, and had to come back two weeks later and track him down to his Delaware home, posing as a postal worker to find his address. After cutting and removing a screened window to gain entry to the man’s house, she lay in wait for him with a set of handcuffs, a roll of duct tape, a taser, a BB gun and her dog Gogi.

Her foolproof scheme failed after the man simply ran away, having entered to find a laser beam pointed at his chest. Kimberley had fled soon after, but her dog was discovered bound in duct tape and abandoned in the bathroom to stop him making noise. She was found an hour later in Maryland and taken into custody after a “brief struggle” at a rest stop. For all we know, being bound in duct tape like a dog may be something possible in the Second Life world.

The McBournie Minute: This election is tame

A lot of people say that politics are ugly today. They aren’t. They are actually way, way more civilized than they ever had been in any other point of American history and you can credit that to gun restrictions and television cameras. Without those, it would probably still be a free for all.

Sure, things may be heating up between the Obama and McCain campaigns. We certainly have seen some nasty ads from Sen. John McCain and some responding spoken criticisms from Sen. Barack Obama. But really it’s timid, compared to what it has been in the past. Yes, politics in America may be more civilized than they ever had been. Hit the jump for more. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: This election is tame