Day: August 28, 2008

How To: Endorse a candidate

Now that the Olympics are over, it is time to forget about such frivolity and stop pretending you care about shot put. It is time to turn your attention to more important matters, like the election in November you are not going to vote in.

Yes, it is time to endorse a presidential candidate. Everyone is doing it, including rapper Hillary Clinton (endorsed Sen. Barack Obama) and Sen. Daddy Yankee (endorsed Sen. John McCain). Maybe it is your turn to publicly throw your support behind one candidate or the other. That is why The Guys explain to you how to endorse a candidate. Continue reading How To: Endorse a candidate

Putin: ‘B-b-b-but they did it!’

For a not-president-of-Russia-anymore, Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin sure has a lot to say about the invasion of Georgia. (They’re now up to ceasefire number 28: one more beats the Israeli-Palestinian monthly record!)

Putin now accuses the United States of starting this war, claiming our government encouraged Georgia to oppress South Ossetia and dispatched agents to orchestrate the entire affair.

Nice try, Putin. We wrote the book on making up other countries’ involvement in our wars (see: Iraq and 9/11). Don’t try to snow a snowman.

Bonus alternate punchline:
Oh, c’mon. We can’t be responsible for all of today’s wars! Mel Gibson has a theory you could borrow.

If love’s in the air, then what’s on the desk?

Love may not be able to blossom on a battlefield, but it can certainly have its wild and crazy cousin, lust, make an appearance in a place of law. The district attorney of Bedford County, Pennsylvania says that just because he had sex with a woman he wasn’t married to in his public courthouse office doesn’t mean he committed a crime. And he ought to know–he is the district attorney, after all. Though, that’s not a divorce attorney, which is something he, and others, might want to look into getting. Just saying, is all.

Nun too pleased

Two days ago, we told you about a beauty pageant for nuns. Today, we bring you the sad news that that pageant will never happen.

Father Antonio Rungi said the pageant was nixed after it drew criticism from his superiors in the Church. Rungi said the whole idea was misunderstood. He did not want to have nuns compete to see who was the most beautiful, it was to show how much nuns do for the world.

Honestly, how can anyone misinterpret a pageant for anything BUT showing off how truly great of a person someone is? After all, that is exactly what most pageants are about.

God 2.0

These days the old scripture on dried pieces of parchment just isn’t hacking it. Everybody has to update and go digital at some point, that includes you too, God. That’s why the widely rejected parts of the Bible the Dead Sea Scrolls are being updated into a modern, readable text.

By copying the scrolls into a digital format, it makes the writing much easier to read, it even features a scrolling option! Ba-zing.

This story brought to you amidst unconfirmed reports that the Bible will be online as soon as it updates it’s Shockwave settings.