Out of the frying pan and into the foyer
Posted on September 2, 2008
Filed Under Regular Post | Leave a Comment |
Talk about a rough vacation: all the guests get food poisoning in the hotel restaurant, a family is accused of stealing towels when they try to check out, then security guards shoot a teenage girl in the face with a stun gun, leading to an all-out brawl by the front desk. On the bright side, the whole family did get to see the porn movie being filmed in the hotel lobby.
Hmmm. I guess Bulgaria isn’t so bad after all.
Written by Chris "Chugs" TaylorKermit died for your sins
Posted on September 2, 2008
Filed Under War on Animals | 3 Comments |
The Catholic Church has officially taken a side in the War on Animals: they are against us.
Pope Benedict XVI asked that a piece of artwork depicting a frog being crucified be taken down because it is blasphemous. Oh really, Benedict (if that is your real name)? Since when is torturing the enemy not allowed in the Catholic Church?
It is this blog’s opinion that we need symbols like this to strike fear into the hearts of our enemies. Remember, God gave us domain over the animals, and they are trying to unseat us from that power, which surely makes them beasts of the devil. Does it not?
Written by Bryan McBournieFLY COMMERCIAL OR DIE
Posted on September 2, 2008
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Ladies and gentlemen, be afraid. Be very afraid. We are now officially in an oil crisis. Why so?
Sean “Puffy” Combs is flying commercial. FOR REALSIES. (Bad Boy)
Yes, with every step he takes, every move he makes, every single day, every time he prays in the air will be on a commercial flight instead of his private airplane. People, this is just horrible. I mean, we can’t inconvenience a man of this magnitude. (Can’t stop won’t stop) Well, at least any more than we already have. Some quick but meaningful suggestions:
1. Don’t drive.
2. If you do drive, use a Mustang. The horse.
3. Telecommute. Especially strippers, priests, and waiters.
4. Find the shortest distance between two points and go that way. Through schools. Across water. Through a luncheon. It doesn’t matter at all how, people-it’s for P. Diddy! (Uh-uh, uhuh)
How much longer is this guy going to have to risk spending a minimum $200,000 to fly himself and his entourage across the country? That means unnecessary autographs. It means waiting in lines. It means no airgina. We need to put aside our differences with those linen-wearing valvolines and put this crisis to bed before Puff Daddy needs to use Amtrak.
Think about it.
Written by Chris "Chugs" TaylorWhat? Is there no cash in Hell?
Posted on September 2, 2008
Filed Under Zombies | Leave a Comment |
Once again, the undead are trying to defraud our governments, but luckily, they remain overseas.
However, it seems they are getting cleverer, using the aid of the living. Ahmad Akhtary died in Afghanistan a while back. His wife has the death certificate to prove it. But then Akhtary showed up for a doctor’s appointment in England (perhaps to better determine the cause of his own death.
Luckily, Akhtary got a punishment, No, not the shot to the head that all zombies deserve, he got 60 hours of community service. His wife, who we assume has not been bitten, was sentenced to 40.
Written by Bryan McBournie