Achievement Unlocked: Arson
Posted on September 8, 2008
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Apparently a family in Michigan didn’t get the memo that the original Xbox runs fairly hot (like its big brother) and possesses a power cord that can cause fires. Subsequently, the eight-pound console has toasted their house and business.
The fire started on August 25 as a result of a son who forgot to turn off his console and decided that the best place for his notebook was right next to the Xbox’s ventilation ducts. Firefighters who investigated the scene think that the Xbox could have been on in the family’s basement for as long as four days before igniting the notebook.
The family wasn’t privy to the fact that Microsoft had recalled all of its previous power cords, and initially wanted to seek damages against the company. After checking out what a legal battle would cost, they’ve decided that just putting their lives together after this disaster is enough punishment. When asked by MLive if they would buy their son a new Xbox, the mother said, “I’m really not sure.” Classy, MLive. Classy.
At least now there are grounds to ask for an upgrade. Hope that one just red rings the console and not their residence.
Written by Chris "Chugs" TaylorCue the global orgy
Posted on September 8, 2008
Filed Under It Must Be Science!, Sex Sells | Leave a Comment |
We warned you months ago that end is nigh. Well, we were unheeded: scientists still hate humanity and you–yes, you–didn’t blow up the Large Hadron Collider.
So, now those Franco-Swisso maniacs are gonna blow us up. (Damn them, damn them all to hell!)
To join the Official SeriouslyGuys End of the World Orgy, we’ll need you to sell all your worldly possessions and mail the proceeds to:
SeriouslyGuys Lube and Sunscreen Collection “Plate”
812 Obviously Fake Address
Dontreallydothis, West Dakota 29156
Remember: this is the only time we’ll ever run this event (until the next major “we’re all gonna die” media event/ratings booster), so you don’t want to pussyfoot around. You won’t want to collapse into a molecular ball of untold density any other way!
Written by Rick SneeI am America, and so can you send your DNA into space
Posted on September 8, 2008
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In his continuing effort to Americanize existence, The Colbert Report’s Stephen Colbert is going to be shooting his DNA into space. No, that is not a euphemism for anything, the comedian is having his red, white and blue blood boldy go where a bunch of people have gone before. And no again, that was not a Madonna joke.
Written by Bryan SchoolsThe punishment fits the crime?
Posted on September 8, 2008
Filed Under War on Animals | Leave a Comment |
Two valiant heroes in Canada have been unfairly punished. UNFAIRLY! While clearly on a fact finding reconnaissance mission around their neighborhood, said teens and their friends made their way into a domicile. Obviously defending themselves, they threw the feline monster in the closest holding cell available-that just happened to be a microwave.
Now, here’s where it gets a little weird. The Alberta residents responsible for this act have been banned from violent video-games for a year as part of their punishment. Huh? I mean, I can understand being made to stay 500 feet away from Viva Pinata or any of the Pokemanz, but how does one specifically classify a “violent video-game”?
Frankly, we here at SG feel that a medal should be awarded, not a punishment. Anytime a cat is named “Princess”, it’s almost a given that it’ll will be a nusicance to the public. But hey, that’s just our perogative. In the meantime, make sure to head down to Gamestop to pre-order the latest iteration coming in the “Cat Zapper” series!
Written by Chris "Chugs" TaylorThe McBournie Minute: You can keep your celebrations
Posted on September 8, 2008
Filed Under McBournie Minute, Scurry '08 | Leave a Comment |
The Democratic and Republican National Conventions are now over, and like many of you around in the office water cooler or in social circles, people keep asking me if I watched any of them. No, I didn’t. At least not if I could help it.
This answer usually brings surprise to people’s faces, or the assumption that I don’t like a certain party, or even that I am apolitical overall. The latter is not true, but the first part is. Yes, I hate both parties. But I don’t watch the conventions because I can’t take the cheesiness of it all. Months earlier, candidates were ripping each other apart for the nomination, then, all of a sudden it’s a big love fest at the convention. Suddenly, the candidate who won is the “right man for the job” or is “ready to lead.” It just feels slimy and choreographed, and I am not one to watch dancing anyway. Read more
Written by Bryan McBournie