Eat My Sports: It’s a whole new ballgame
Posted on September 9, 2008
Filed Under Eat My Sports | |
SeriouslyGuys would like to congratulate Rhiannon and Richard Justis who welcomed their first child, Ace Gerard, into this gigantic marble around 10 am this morning. Please raise the child to continue The War on Animals.
Well, this week was supposed to be my big NFL preview. I was going to give you my picks, picks so insanely researched that you can bet on them and run Vegas for everything they’ve got like Kevin Spacey in 21, except sans the horribly anorexic kids having the ever-loving crap beat out of them by by Lawrence “Valley of the Real” Fishburne. But then in one instant on a seemingly normal day in New England, everything in the NFL changed. Tom Brady … gulp (swallows pride) … probably the single most indispensable player on any team, was lost for the season not even a quarter into the first game.
Now, I would never wish bodily harm on any NFL player, these guys put themselves into weekly bigger trainwrecks than any post-Bio-Dome Pauly Shore venture. But Brady’s injury just made the NFC the stronger of the two conferences and opened the AFC to be anyone’s ballgame, and for the sake of parity in the NFL, that’s a good thing.
The AFC is seemingly San Diego’s or Pittsburgh’s for the taking. Not to mention the up and coming Jaguars and the perennial Colts are still very much in the picture, oh yeah, and some guy named Brett is a quarterback for the Jersey Jets. The Patriots are still a threat to be a playoff team, but you are looking at a squad that will be a Wild Card if they are lucky, and that’s only if Randy Moss doesn’t go all Oakland again.
Your NFC Division Winners
NFC East: Philadelphia Eagles
I am not buying all of this Cowboy hype, and neither should you. Philly is loaded on offense, and has a revamped D that will make you think twice about going over the middle. Plus, we’re due for another Chunky Soup commercial from Donovan McNabb and his mom.
NFC South: New Orleans Saints
The Saints are too good, and the rest of this division sucks too much.
NFC North: Green Bay Packers
See above. The Vikings have three players I would take on any team: Darren Sharper, Adrian Peterson and Jared Allen. DO NOT BE FOOLED. Minnesota is not a Super Bowl contender nor a playoff sleeper. There is a better chance of Jason Campbell becoming the next Troy Aikman. You want to lose your money on Tarvaris Jackson? Be my guest.
NFC West: Arizona Cardinals
The Seahawks are just too banged up to continue their dominance. And quite frankly, the Cards are due. For some reason I believe in Kurt Warner (fun fact: Warner had more TD passes than Brady in the final eight games). They’ll lose their playoff game, but this franchise has too much talent to not make it in with Seattle’s situation.
Rant time: Here’s my off the wall analogy for the day. The Arizona Cardinals are the Lindsay Lohan of the NFL. All the tools are there, it’s hot, it’s sleek, you always think that everything is there to pull it all together and be the mega-star everyone knows you should be. You’ve had some gems, basically, the Cardinals’ 8-8 record last year would be the equivalent to Mean Girls, but everyone is waiting for that next step. But instead, you take the role of a stripper/drug addict in I Know Who Killed Me (see the Cards’ inability to win anything since 1996). Her new movie actually looks pretty decent, she plays a woman who pretends to be knocked up to save her job (I’m calling Oscar) so basically while the expectations are sort of low, the Cardinals can come in with a bang out season and be the preggers Lohan of the 2008 NFL season.
NFC Wild Cards: Dallas Cowboys and Chicago Bears
Please God, make me look like a genius in 16 weeks.
AFC East: New York Jets
Talk to me before Sunday, this is a no brainer. Now Favre and the Jets have every reason to take over this division now that Brady is rehabbing and will probably pop out another kid before training camp. My money is on Brady gets Jessica Alba to leave her man and he starts his and her new career of real celebrity porn. In which case Tom Brady would be my hero/I would hate him until the day he dies.
AFC South: Jacksonville Jaguars
Despite all of their off the field issues, the Jags are probably the most stacked returning team this year. Ah, but will it click? I think Jacksonville is good enough to win 11-12 games while Indy has an off year. Plus I think David Garrard has the arm to throw high enough into the air no matter how much cocaine Matt Jones does. The Titans are about as reliable as Chevy Chase being funny, and the Texans, well, that’s just too easy.
AFC North: Pittsburgh Steelers
Haiku for why the Steelers will win:
Cleveland sucks, really
Ocho Cinco, dead, Week 8
Joe Flacco, yeah right
AFC West: San Diego Chargers
If you can’t win a division that features Oakland, Denver and Kansa City, you don’t deserve to be a NFL franchise.
AFC Wild Cards: Indianappolis Colts and New England Patriots
Both will be gone by the divisional round of the playoffs.
Super Bowl XLIII Prediction
With Brady gone, and Shawne Merriman’s knee injury making San Diego’s defense that much less scary, I see Pittsburgh making a strong case in the AFC. Philly’s resurgence will be cut short by the air show in New Orleans.
The Call: Pittsburgh over New Orleans 28-14
Top five games you can bet on this week:
5. New York Giants over St. Louis Rams
Don’t be surprised if this is a two touchdown lead by mid-2nd quarter.
4. New York Jets over New England Patriots
It’s a homer for the Jets, and who do you believe in more, Brett Favre or Matt Cassel? Jets by a touchdown.
3. Pittsburgh Steelers over Cleveland Browns
The Steelers are trying to prove that they are top-dog now in the AFC, don’t buy the hype on Cleveland. Steelers by 10.
2. Houston Texans over Baltimore Ravens
I don’t buy the Ravens “comeback,” they beat the Bengals. Last I checked any team can do that. Texans have not many more, but more weapons. Texans by three.
1. Philadelphia Eagles over Dallas Cowboys
Two words: statement game. If Philadelphia wants to regain their crown, beating the ‘Boys in Dallas is step number one. It will be close, but I see McNabb taking this one from Dallas in the fourth quarter. Eagles by a touchdown.
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2 Responses to “Eat My Sports: It’s a whole new ballgame”
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Schools, I’ll grant you your obvious bias for the Steelers in your Super Bowl pick, but the loss of Brady is bad for the NFL overall. Right now, no one is better at getting the league’s brand out there or exemplifies what the NFL is trying to do right now more than Tom Brady. What’s worse is that the next name up on the list, Peyton Manning, isn’t looking too hot. This means two of the top teams could be out of the playoffs, it’s a nightmare scenario that may or may not also play out in MLB.
Before the injuries to Merriman and Brady, San Diego was my pick to win the Super Bowl. But circumstances have changed. I honestly think that with the Colts obviously having an off year, San Diego’s defense not being nearly as dominant, and with Brady not leading the Patriot offense, that leaves Pittsburgh as top dog in the AFC.
Now, did I say Brady’s injury was good for marketing? No. He’s easily one of the most recognizeable NFL stars aside from Brett Favre. But, for the sake of not having the same AFC team make the Super Bowl for the fifth time this decade, I think his absence will be good for giving another couple teams (San Diego, Pittsburgh, Jacksonville) a real oppurtunity to come out of the AFC playoffs alive.