MasterChugs Theater: ‘Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story’

Posted on September 12, 2008
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The tricky thing about parody movies is that the jokes get old fast and they’re hit-and-miss. Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story, the Judd Apatow produced and written spoof of every musical biopic from Ray to Walk the Line, is guilty on both counts. How lucky that when the jokes do hit, they rock. No pun intended. Hit the jump to see why.

Written by Chris "Chugs" Taylor

You Missed It: There goes your fantasy team edition

Posted on September 12, 2008
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It seems like a lot of Fridays are all about people running away. Mostly, it’s because people are running away to go enjoy the weekend. They don’t care about you or your stupid economy. But we’re always here for you, except when were on vacation. If you were too busy answering questions for Charles Gibson this week, odds are you missed it.

Guess it’s back to knocking up models until next September
On Sunday, in quarter 1 of week 1 of the NFL season, legendary New England quarterback Tom Brady injured his knee against the Kansas City Chiefs. Yes, the NFL lost its reigning MVP only a few minutes after his season had started. Wait a minute, this wasn’t supposed to happen! Brady wasn’t on the cover of Madden NFL 09.

The illest of all the dictators
We said it a week ago: if you talk smack about a world leader on your blog, they will read it and take it to heart. Less than a week after we said Kim Jong Il “sucks,” the dictator of the People’s Glorious Worker’s Paradise in the Republic of the Magnificent North Korea was noticeably absent from the country’s 60th anniversary celebration. This is kind of like not showing up to your own party. It has been reported that Kim may have had brain surgery after a recent stroke which was brought on by a deadly capitalist blood clot.

No ‘hike’ until after Ike
Hurricane Ike, currently a Category 2 storm, is on its (his?) way to Texas, after pummeling the Caribbean earlier this week. Galveston, Texas and parts of Houston have been evacuated, as Ike is expected to strengthen before making landfall tonight. The NFL has even postponed the Baltimore Ravens-Houston Texans game until Monday. This means that Ike is easily the worst storm named after a president since–wait, no. This one’s just not working for me. Moving right along ….

Kanye West doesn’t like photographers
And finally, rapper Kanye West made headlines this week, not for his music or his mouth. No, this time actions spoke louder than words. West had landed at LAX airport in Los Angeles only a few minutes before, and the paparazzi was there to greet him. Unfortunately, West did not appear to like it. A video appears to show him attacking two photographers, ripping their cameras out of their hands and smashing them. West was arrested on suspicion of vandalism. West’s spokesman said the flash went through the rapper’s lensless sunglasses, which aggrivated him very much.

Written by Bryan McBournie

Tastes like chicken

Posted on September 12, 2008
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Everyone has seen Jaws, I’m assuming. The tale (pun intended) of a blood-thirsty shark willing to kill Richard Dreyfus at any cost. But then again, isn’t that in theory all of us? I know I never forgave him for Mr. Holland’s Opus. Anyways, from this film (Jaws, not Opus, keep up) we learned what science and The Discovery Channel had yet to inform us of: sharks are deadly and they eat people. Don’t let A Shark’s Tale or Finding Nemo fool you, we have a conspiracy theory that Disney may in fact be working with the animals, see: Mickey, Goofy, Donald and some rabid chipmunks named after male strippers.

However, the shark from this story in Hawaii has a refined palate apparently too good for us. After a taste of Todd Murashige, the shark decided he would go on his merry way for a tastier snack than the local surfer.

Written by Bryan Schools

Joining the mile-high club vicariously

Posted on September 12, 2008
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American Airlines has only been testing their new wi-fi Internet service on 15 flights a day, but the flight attendants union is already asking how they can tone down the porn.

Gee, if only they could have used the plane’s radar to see that one coming a mile away. I mean, with the Internet being at least 85 percent porn, 14 percent pictures of cats and 1 percent Myspace, did no one see this coming at all?

Written by Chris "Chugs" Taylor

Crumpets, get your crumpets here!

Posted on September 12, 2008
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Baseball is really only played in the U.S.–and Japan–and Cuba–and the Dominican Republic–and OK, anyway, it’s an American sport. It’s the national pastime, and it’s the most watched sport in the country aside from football. But it looks as if the limeys are trying to steal home.

Yes, England is trying to steal the title of country of origin of baseball. Oh yeah? Then why do they play OUR national anthem at the beginning of games?

A journal from 1755 has a brief mention of the game being played in the South of England. Some friends got together on Easter Monday (better known as the day the rest of the world works) and played “base ball.” The alleged game was between the old rivals the Gov’nahs and the Redcoats.

Nice try, England. Next you’re going to try to tell us that apple pie was brought over by Hessian troops you hired to fight us in the Revolution. We are as American as cricket and apple strudel.

Written by Bryan McBournie

3D! 3D! 3D!

Posted on September 12, 2008
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3D, that trend of films from yore (“yore” meaning any period of time before your parents were born), is coming back with a vengeance. And thanks to new technology, filmmakers believe it’s here to stay, just like jazz-oriented rock music played with hollow-body electric guitars and red velvet suits.

Michael Lewis, the CEO of RealD–the company that’s shaking up the 2D market–says, “likening the new generation 3D to its old counterpart is like ‘comparing the space shuttle with the Wright brothers’.”

So, here’s what we’ll see in stunning clarity and 21st century ticket prices: