Day: September 19, 2008

MasterChugs Theater: ‘Pineapple Express’

For the final bit in our Apatow retrospective, we take a look at his most recent movie, one that hits one of the easiest genre types of all: the buddy comedy. Yes, I’m talking about Pineapple Express, a stoner comedy that partakes of a gentle indie vibe before hitting the hard stuff for a major Shane Black-style blowup and meltdown.

If you think you’ve seen this movie before, well, that’s probably because you caught one of its multiple inspirations. It was written by Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg, who turned their adolescent agonies into Superbad, a charming smutfest about three hormonally freaked-out teenage boys. The two screenwriters have become major since then, in particular Rogen, who also starred in Judd Apatow’s family-values comedy Knocked Up and has recently lent his voice to one too many children’s movies. In some respects Pineapple Express plays out like a louder, nastier, more violent and ostensibly adult follow-up to Superbad, except that Rogen, who had a supporting part in the first film as a slacker cop, has moved far enough up the studio food chain to now take a starring role.  Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘Pineapple Express’

Ye Missed It: Impending economic doom edition

Happy Talk Like A Pirate Day to ye. It seems the changin’ o’ the seasons be gettin’ me down. Not in the “alas, summer be over” sense, but in the “I have a huge cold all of a sudden” sense. But yer intrepid blogger sniffles on. Pity me. In any case, if ye were busy finding kittens in yer wall, odds are ye missed it.

So, did Wall Street get hammered this time?
Lehman Brothers got bought out, AIG got saved by a big ol’ government loan of countless doubloons, and there may not be an end in sight. Critics be callin’ this the worst economy since the 1930s, and it be comin’ to a town near ye. Fear not, yer money be safe up to $100,000. And worry ye not, SG has its money stored totally legally in the First National Bank of Grand Cayman. We’re settin’ sail soon to make a deposit!

Pirates o’ the Bering Sea
Republican Vice Presidential Nominee Sarah Palin’s private e-mail was hacked into and posted online, shockin’ many, who found that she a) hates the press that be in Alaska, b) has pictures of her children and c) likes conductin’ official business on a private e-mail account that probably be illegal in the state o’ Alaska. Naturally, this invasion o’ privacy has angered Republicans and Fox News reporters alike. Invasion o’ privacy is only good when it happens t’ ordinary people.

Seinfeld-Kramer reunion axed
Have ye seen the new Microsoft ads with Bill Gates and Jerry Seinfeld? Well ye shouldn’t get used t’ them. They have dispatch with the ads, which featured Gates and Seinfeld meetin’ at a shoe store, then tryin’ to live ordinary lives. No one was laughin’, because Microsoft seems t’ be about as cool as it is funny. They ought t’ keelhaul whoever rolled out those ads. The ads will be replaced with the new “I am a PC” commercials, which may or may not have been cut on a Mac–seriously.

Wenches be freeballin’ with a highball

Yarr!

In what be yet more other possible health code violation news: a St. Kilda, Australia, pub be coming under (chain shot) fire fer its “No Undie Sundie” promotion. Apparently, encouragin’ lasses to take off their undergarments in exchange for a $50 drink card just wasn’t the smartest idea. Who would’ve guessed? Certainly not Joe Francis. Personally, the capitalist landlubber with book learnin’ in business thinks that it’s brilliant, of course, but hey, that just be me.

Take yer booty elsewhere, strumpet

Swabs, we be engaged in a great battle, as ye know. But on days like Talk Like A Pirate Day, it be easy forget. This blog remains every vigilant because we need to. Let there be no clearer proof than this that we need to keep the long nines loaded at all times. Our foe be trickier than we think.

Now, they want us t’fund ’em with their crappy art. Paintin’s by animals in South Carolina be’ sellin’ fer over $500 (roughly 600 pieces o’eight). All they want is our money, and they think we be dull enough t’buy some scribbles any toddler could draw.

I say nay, we shall not be spendin’ our hard stolen money helpin’ the enemy’s fight. We shall spend it on rum, instead!

Avast! We be thwarted by the scurvy cougar/horse alliance again

These be tough time in these evil waters. Just when it appeared we be done with those lasses clearly based off of some of the less than reputable women from Singapore, the war wages on. It appears we, the male species be havin’ to deal with yet another wave from Carrie Bradshaw’s endless ocean. Candace Bushnell, who penned the Sex and the City show that aired in a box, has been licensed to pen a novel about horseface’s Bradshaw’s teen years. We only be speculatin’ that this be taken place in the Jurassic being the carbon dating of Kim Cattrall.

A report on affairs o’ the Orient

G’morning, mateys! While many o’ ye be strictly Atlantic water pirates, more an’ more o’ ye have been smartly settin’ sail for the shores o’ China, lured by promises o’ gold fingernails, spices and lasses with tiny feet. For those of ye considerin’ the journey, here be a brief update on all things Asiatic:

Leave the rum, take the milk

Four little babies be dead and thousands more be sick from drinking a powderrrred formula that be tainted with chemicals.

The Chinese State Administration of Quality Supervision, Inspection and Quarantine (an upstandin’ organization that be always verifin’ that ye lead bars be gold) says that adults be safe for now, as the chemical, tripolycyanide, only kills wee lubbers under this tall.

So, if ye be dangerously near the last dregs of ye rum, consider setting anchor at the Glorious People’s Breast-Free Lacterium and adding some special formula to ye crew’s grog.

If ye blind friends be doin’ it, would ye?

South Korean Police have arrested 26 blind masseurs who were attemptin’ to jump off o’ a bridge–presumably because all o’ their friends be doin’ it.

The jumperrrs be protestin’ a law that be allowin’ currs with workin’ deadlights to be encroachin’ on their trade. In the past, the law only allowed blind jacks to massage ye, medically-speakin’ o’ course.

So, if ye be sailin’ past the Korean pennisula, keep an eye out for accidental deckside stowaways. It be not likely that they know where they be goin’.