Two more years, perverts
Posted on October 6, 2008
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In creepy calendar news MIley Cyrus celebrated her 16th birthday at Disneyland while the park was shut down. The Hannah Montana (not to be confused with Hannah North Dakota) had the park shut down so Cyrus and roughly 5,000 of her closest friends could celebrate the jail bait’s pop star’s sweet birthday … even though she doesn’t turn 16 until Nov. 23. Cyrus also had her father, Billy Ray, open up for her mini-concert, no word as to whether Goofy was in tears during “Achy Breaky Heart.”
Luckily for Cyrus her parents did not decide to through her birthday bash over at Disneyland’s sister park Disney’s California Adventure. You see, DCA, as we like to call it, was hosting it’s annual Gay Days Anaheim (PS, if your work frowns on visiting gay California sites that even offer specials for gay brunches, best wait until you get home to check this link). Keeping Hollywood and homosexuals in the news together for three weeks running.
Written by Bryan SchoolsToday in the U.S. judicial system
Posted on October 6, 2008
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Good afternoon, and welcome to the latest edition of Today in the U.S. Judicial System. Your hosts, the right honorable Guys, are presiding.
And what a day to preside over the landmark cases of our era, especially when compared to the important cases of yester-year: Brown v. Board of Education, Roe v. Wade, The People v. Larry Flint …. It is awe-inspiring to see this process shape our lives again today.
Jesus Christ! (No, over there!)
First, the Supreme Court refused to hear a case and so upheld the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals’ decision to allow states to sell anti-abortion license plates to citizens whose faith cannot be adequately expressed by Jesus fish, dashboard saviors, rear-view crucifixes and John 3:16 written in soap across the rear windshield.
A cigarette by any other name …
Next up, they threw their support behind tobacco companies being harassed with lawsuits by people who can’t hold their light and low-tar cigarette smoke. They only heard opening arguments today, in which the plantiffs argued that smokers of the diet cigarettes were forced to take longer drags/smoke more cigarettes than when they smoked harsher brands.
The tobacco companies’ counterargument consisting of pointing to the light cigarettes and saying, “As you can see, your honors, it’s a cigarette.”
The court then adjourned for a five minute break in the parking lot for their fix of that smooth Winston flavor.
Written by Rick SneeYou and me baby ain’t nothing but mammals, so let’s go extinct on The Discovery Channel
Posted on October 6, 2008
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In a fair warning to all of our readers, the animals have located us. Bryan McBournie and I were nearly attacked by a group of three deer heading towards my car just outside of my apartment. Now, we were fortunate enough to stave off the attack, however, it appears that the inevitable hands-on combat will begin shortly.
In related news on the war front, we’re winning the battles, AND the war. A recent study has shown that one in four mammals on the planet are at risk of becoming extinct, while one in two species on the planet are in a decline in population.
So give us your worst, animals. PETA can only protect you for so long.
Written by Bryan SchoolsWon’t someone think of the comatose?
Posted on October 6, 2008
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In case you hadn’t figured out that a naked calendar isn’t the panacea for all funding woes (especially in the case of Spanish moms), here’s a story that should wreck every single one of your “Calendar Girls” dreams: A naked charity calendar intended to raise cash for the North West Air Ambulance of Wigan, England has been banned from ambulance stations (link may not be safe for work) across the region. Apparently some people think that ambulance workers posing nude comprises their integrity and dignity. Now how are they going to revive the people that fall into a diabetic shock?
Once again, thanks a lot Helen Mirren, you big Oscar winning jerk.
Written by Chris "Chugs" TaylorThe McBournie Minute: Modern day boobs look much better
Posted on October 6, 2008
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Yesterday I had an experience that transported me back in time. I am not talking about the kind of taking you back in time when you hear a song you remember from high school. I am talking about like medieval kind of back in time. I went to the Maryland Renaissance Festival.
Having never gone to something like that, I had no idea what to expect. I did know one thing: there would be beer.
The first thing I noticed, of course, were the people dressed up and speaking in accents. There were fat dudes with funny hats and frilly shirts, merrily strolling around shouting merry things at the people passing by. This may have been because of the beer in their cups, or maybe the banter was just to take their minds off of the fact that they are middle-aged men wearing tights from the Middle Ages. There were ladies in Renaissance era dresses who also looked merry, but were for some reason not wearing tights. Read more
Written by Bryan McBournie