Day: October 9, 2008

How To: Find a new home

Are you panicking yet? You should be, because that’s what everyone else is doing. The government is buying out banks and other crap we don’t really understand, the stock market is jerking back and forth worse than Any Winehouse in rehab, and worst of all, executives are going on spa vacations! It’s a regular economic crisis.

If you own a home you bought in the past decade, odds are a lot of this problem has been caused by YOU. Yeah, thanks a lot, jerk. However, it is not just your fault for getting a crappy home loan, it is also the crappy loan company’s fault for giving you a crappy loan, and the crappy bank’s fault for buying the crappy loan.

Still awake?

Good, because what all this means is that you are getting evicted because the banks think you are freeloading and they are sick and tired of you middle class people thinking you can own things. So now that you’re out of a place to live, The Guys present how to find a new home. Continue reading How To: Find a new home

A push-up? Eh, good ’nuff

Taking a page from the Department of Education, the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services has lowered their exercise expectations. They once suggested working out 30 minutes a day, five days a week; now they can live with two hours a week.

So, that leaves you a lot of options. You could go for a 10 mile run once a week and then carpool to your garage the rest of the week, or you could count each time you get up from your seat as one of 200 reps at the office.

Basically, all you have to do is get out of bed everyday and try not to roll to the shower and the government says you’re fit enough.

See what you’ve done, America? You’ve turned our fitness gurus into hapless enablers.

He shoots, he scores

Some men have real prestigious claims to fame, like being President of the United States, anyone who can find a succesful way to date Megan Fox and a stripper, or being Tom Brady. However in this case in South Australia, one man has impregnated 30 LESBIANS. Is there some sort of medal for this?

Greater odds than impregnating 30 lesbians:
–Clay AIken actually being gay
–Brazilian military assisting the animals in the war
-Cubs win World Series

Swedish doctor to be fired over opening mouth and saying “ahhhh”

Oh, Internet. How we love thee. We give you our slack-jawed attention and you use give us the warm and radioactive heat that we so desperately crave. So, what have you given us other than that today? What’s that? Another sex scandal? Why it wouldn’t be a day at SeriouslyGuys without a sex scandal, after all!

So, the four of us at SG went to college together, and while our school did not have a medical school (heck, I’ve got family members that nearly blew up the science building), we thought they would have taught this in medical school, but I suppose bears repeating nonetheless—just because a patient gets a ha thoroughly enjoys someone during an examination, that doesn’t mean the doctor is allowed to give him a b settle the matter personally. Even in Sweden. Heck, you probably shouldn’t even be giving prostate exams until at least the third date! I mean, do you want the AMA to be spreading rumors about you?

An unholy foursome no more

Everyone feel bad for Hugh Hefner this morning. It was announced that girlfriend and Girl Next Door Holly Madison has called for an end to the relationship. That means Heff is now down to only two girlfriends. It remains to be seen if Kendra Wilkinson and Bridget Marquardt will be able to cheer him up.

Yes, there will still be another season of The Girls Next Door, but for right now, Hefner is a sad man, with nothing but his wealth, status and plethora of women young enough to be his granddaughters left. Certainly, the outlook for Heff’s life is bad.

But because The Guys care about the elderly, we came up with a short list of ways he can get over the breakup:

  • Take a bubblebath
  • Listen to Bright Eyes
  • Invite a few friends over for a small, private party
  • Drink champagne until the hurt goes away
  • Hold a boom box above head outside her window
  • Blog about it
  • Count how many steps it takes to get from one side of the mansion to the other