Finally, a use for baby rats
Posted on October 15, 2008
Filed Under Zombies | Leave a Comment |
Folks, it’s October, and besides German beer, baseball playoffs and breast cancer awareness, this month means one thing: Halloween. And with Halloween come the usual stories about spooky stuff, but let us not forget about zombies, who are real and in fact, quite scary.
Reanimation is something we see in zombies. Some say it is caused by a virus, some say it is the fact that Hell is full. One thing is for certain: we are getting closer and closer to creating our own reanimated corpse, no Frankenstein needed.
Using cells from newborn rats (really), scientists have been able to restart a heart that had stopped working, presumably killing its owner. This means that one of the major organs we have to get working again in order to create an army of undead minions has just been added to the list.
If these refurbished hearts are made available to the public, we know someone who could use one.
Written by Bryan McBournieIs it safe to rip on autism? C’mon, c’mon
Posted on October 15, 2008
Filed Under Regular Post | Leave a Comment |
Actor/Comedian/SG Hero Denis Leary is getting ripped for comments in his new book suggesting that children diagnosed with autism don’t really have the disease in some cases. Rather, according to Leary, they are the result of just being stupid, lazy, and having parents that are stupid and lazy. His book “Why We Suck: A Feel Good Guide To Remaining Fat, Loud, Lazy and Stupid” is receiving heat for his views on autism, but in all fairness he did go after Dr. Phil and Hillary Clinton too.
Written by Bryan SchoolsWhat you talking about, judge?
Posted on October 15, 2008
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There is nothing funny about dwarf child actors. There is nothing funny about them going bankrupt and losing everything. There is nothing funny about them doing loan commercials to get their career back. There is nothing funny about them trying to run over people with their truck for taking pictures of them on a cell phone.
Written by Bryan SchoolsThe dead hate the swimming
Posted on October 15, 2008
Filed Under War on Animals, Zombies | Leave a Comment |
Dear Britain:
You’re ever so jolly. Always showing a good show, we’re never really too sure if you’re on our side or not. I mean, you’re not still sore about that whole breaking away thing, right? Cool beans. I mean, America, or more specifically, The Guys, just want to help you out. Hey, did you know that the animals have crossed the pond and begun the war on you? I mean, the evidence is right there in front of you!
At one of your aquariums, the face of a ghost was found in a shark tank. That’s some utterly horrifying shite! I mean, think about it–if a ghost is there, then clearly it’s the ghost of a poor soul that was eaten by the sharks. Yeah, that’s right, the sharks are eating your people right under your noses. That’s horrible! What’s even worse are the only two possibilities that can arise if this isn’t stopped:
- The sharks will continue to eat people. This will not stop until the entire tank is filled with the disembodied ghost heads of people, at which point, no one in your country will ever get any sleep again due to the ghostly wailing that will constantly happen.
- The sharks, secret plants by their insidious animal overlords, have been infected with a virus akin to Solarium. As any fan of Max Brooks knows, this can only lead onto zombies, and eventually, World War Z. Since zombies are cannibalistic in nature, they’ll have no need to attack the animals (unless they’re of the Italios Fulcis species)-but they won’t hesitate to attack us. The animals can simply kick back and allow our forces to be depleted, then sweep in and kill us all.
Come, join with us Britain! Put aside your differences and work together with us to end this war! We need all the help we can get-and we’ll gladly have yours, guv’na.
Sincerely,
Chris “Chugs” Taylor
(Story courtesy of Adrienne)
Written by Chris "Chugs" TaylorDrinking and Googling: The perfect combination
Posted on October 15, 2008
Filed Under Booze News, It Must Be Science! | Leave a Comment |
Good morning, time for a belt. First off, while we advocate the consumption of alcohol, especially on long flights, where it is needed to dull the pain of constant probing, we do not condone hijacking a plane while doing so. However, that may be a new drink name.
Moving along, we’ve got some bad news for you sots out there: your brain is smaller than your teetotaler friends (like you associate with those types). The bad news here is that a study found regular drinkers and even occasional partakers lost brain mass at a faster rate than those lame-os who have never touched the stuff.
But there is hope! Another new study hints that using the Internet regularly can keep your brain smarter for longer in your life. The theory is that it makes you do a whole bunch of complex thinking, so it keeps the brain active, which is apparently good.
This means it is also a great counter to the brain-shrinking effects of alcohol. And we already know that Google Mail will keep you from sending drunk e-mail messages, so now Web surfing drunk is safe and healthy. Hooray for science!
Written by Bryan McBournie