The Human Tornado spins no more …
Posted on October 20, 2008
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Unfortunately, it’s not all fun and games all the time at SeriouslyGuys. It is the sad duty of this guy to report that Rudy Ray Moore has passed away. Readers will know that SG (or at least, me) is a very big fan of Moore. His hilarious and boastful antics will be missed. The world will be a bit less creative and snappily dressed.
Written by Chris "Chugs" TaylorThere’s no need to fear, UnderMcCain is here
Posted on October 20, 2008
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Apparently John McCain likes being the underdog. He’s fine with being back six percentage points in the latest poll. The self-proclaimed “maverick” (Top Gun should really consider suing) has admitted that he has screwed up previous campaigns when ahead, so being the underdog might give him that extra little push. Ah yes, the rich white guy in the fight of his life, and if he loses … he gets to go back to being a rich, powerful white guy. We’ll just refer to McCain as the “Tampa Bay Rays” of the 2008 election.
Written by Bryan SchoolsHeavenly legal team off the hook
Posted on October 20, 2008
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They say in America you can sue anyone for anything. But its seems that now has its limits, because you can only sue people whom you can find and serve.
God can’t be sued, because you don’t have his address, a court ruled last week. Nebraska state Senator Ernie Chambers filed the suit because he has too much free time on his hands in hopes of getting a permanent injunction against God and all bad things he does to the U.S. We can only assume this idea was hatched after Hurricane Katrina, which we hear devastated Nebraska.
Chambers argued that the defendant did not have to be served, because God knows everything, and therefor knew about the lawsuit. The court apparently thinks God is stupid, because it rejected the argument. We here at SG believe that the case, as every other, should have its day in court. But then again, we’ve already seen this movie. The tape recorder doesn’t pick up a voice.
Written by Bryan McBournieJust the tip
Posted on October 20, 2008
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In a long line of seemingly boring news stories that didn’t include the Tampa Bay St. Petersburg Rays, Yahoo has reminded us all how to tip. Now, given that a few of the Guys have spent time in tip-based positions, we encourage you to not be cheap. We have the internet, AND WE WILL FIND YOU.
Written by Bryan SchoolsObama is British, too???
Posted on October 20, 2008
Filed Under Scurry '08 | 7 Comments |
Just when it seemed like Obama was just about everything (black, white, Hawaiian, secret Muslim, a woman named Frieda), John McCain peels off yet another layer off of this onion of hope: he’s also British.
“He’s always been in the left lane of American politics.”
The left lane, people, like where the British drive.
You know who else was British? Great Britain. And they also liked to raise taxes: on tea, paper and podiatry. Fortunately, one man stood against those foul-toothed masses and shipped their bangers and mash back to Englandville. That man was John McCain.
So, who are you gonna call when Prime Minister Barack Obama taxes your crumpets and gives them to the unwashed poor? John McCain, who also remembers the Alamo.
His plan, of course, is to continue our system of taxing people with little to no money and give it back to the wealthy who were born deserving it. That’s the American Way™!
Written by Rick SneeTeenager Power!
Posted on October 20, 2008
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No pizzas can save you now! NONE!
Not one adolescent male hated the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles in the 80s. They were easily part of the five figure groups for boys toys. I’ll easily admit that even I dressed up as one for Halloween. Turtles were awesome.
However, playing TMNT back then was acceptable. Playing TMNT now just gets you lost in sewers. Especially if you’re 17. And living in Queens. I mean, if you reside there, then Spider-Man should be your hero, not the turtles. Everyone knows that they resided under Brooklyn.
Probably the coup-de-gras of the situation was posted by one of the police officers:
“These three idiots were playing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and wanted to go into the sewers,” said one police source. “They were never in danger, just goofing off and being stupid.”
You know you’ve messed up bad when a police officer is belittling you in a public forum.
Written by Chris "Chugs" TaylorThe McBournie Minute: Let’s go, Phillies!
Posted on October 20, 2008
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I feel like crap right now. There’s a pretty good chance it was my meal last night of cheese fries and chili, washed down with some Mountain Dew and vodka, but for the sake of my argument, let’s go with ALCS Game 7’s results last night as the cause. Bryan Schools will probably have more comprehensive reviews of the game, so let’s just stick with the fans.
I hate Tampa Bay fans. Say whatever you want about the team, those guys proved they’ve got what it takes this season again and again. However, their fans simply do not. For pretty much the entire season, the Rays were in first place in the American League east, yet they couldn’t fill the 36,048 seats at Tropicana Field all season long, save for when the Boston Red Sox were in town. Read more
Written by Bryan McBournie