Day: November 3, 2008

Your move, James Bond

If you read SG, you probably have a lot of money to burn, just like us. That is why you will likely find yourself in a bidding war with us over Saddam Hussein’s yacht.

It’s got pools (because, you know, swimming in the water is something peasants do) a secret passage and, of course, a rocket launching system for the the remote chance or Iranian or U.S. warplanes attacking your 269-foot superyacht.

The French seized the boat a while back and tried to auction it off. However, in a court battle, the Frenchies drew up the white flag and said it is property of Iraq. Now it’s back up for sale, and we’re going to buy it. And don’t think we’re afraid to use chemical weapons on the competition.

Screw the election, how is your country doing in the condom business?

Running out of ideas to get your country’s people to just man up and slap some rubber on? We here at SG support the global use of condoms for the following reasons:

A) Laid people are happy people, according to Rick Snee. However, Snee, due to religious affiliations cannot “officially” support the condom regime, but we love him anyways.

B) Condoms keep stupid people from breeding even more stupid people (in some cases). I mean could you imagine a world where George W. Bush and Condoleezza Rice made some amendments in the oval office without security? Ouch!

C) Without them we wouldn’t have those awesome Trojan commercials.

Anyways, if your idea pole is running low on creative fluid, try these ideas to boost condom sales!

SG Counterpoint: Your poop stinks

Every couple of days, some Internet writer thinks they’re going to hold a mirror up to frequent users and cause us to rethink how we do our Serious Business. The attacks, like in Todd Leopold’s trite little puff piece (“#@*!!! Anonymous anger rampant on Internet”), are always the same list of grievances:

  • Users are anonymous on the Internet.
  • They can say whatever they want without fear of repercussion.
  • Anyone can read what they say.
  • Some kid committed suicide because her neighbor harassed her online.
  • Therefore, we shouldn’t post angry statements on the Internet.

OK, for the sake of argument, let’s say that, yes, there are a lot of angry comments online about celebrity bad behavior, school bullies and morons, often using bad names and language.

So what? They’ve had it too good for far too long.

Americans have spent the last 200+ years not getting rebuked for doing stupid things like drunk driving, abusing their peers and spouting moronic talking points without getting called out on it. That’s how you change behavior: by posting every time someone gets away with being a poor example of humanity.

Thanks to anonymity, Internet users are able to do the one thing we can’t do in public: tell a jerk how it is. And now they have to listen, no matter how big, rich or powerful they may be.

The McBournie Minute: Tomorrow is not the end of annoyance

Here we are at the end of the campaign trail of the 2008 election, or as it is known in the Washington area, the kickoff for 2012. We all know where the candidates stand on the issues, heck, Al Gore emailed my work address this morning to tell me about how important elections are, which is probably caused by global warming. In just over 24 hours, it will all finally be over. No more calls, no more people knocking on your door, no more activists pathetically trying to get you to listen to them as you walk by listening to your iPod.

This is the end of the good times.

In my opinion, this election could not have come at a worse time. We as a nation were finally united and then this thing comes along and splits us all up again. For the past two or three years, we have reached across our own aisles to work together toward a common goal: hating George W. Bush. It took the hard work of a bumbling administration, war, natural disaster, the English language and the hard work of people like Michael Moore and Susan Sarandon, but we got there. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Tomorrow is not the end of annoyance