Day: November 11, 2008

Eat My Sports: Statement game

Muhammad Ali, Jim Brown, Tommie Smith, John Carlos, Brandon Marshall.

Yeah, we know too, one of those names doesn’t belong up there with the outspoken political activists who used their respective sports as a platform for their voice. They never waited until something was over to start letting the world know what they thought. They fought for their cause during the process, not until it was decided, Brandon Marshall.

For those of you ill-informed on the sports world, Marshall is a third year wide receiver for the Denver Broncos. The Broncos played in the NFL Network’s first televised game of the year against the Cleveland Browns, two days after the election. Near the end of the game, Marshall scored what proved to be the game-winning touchdown, and wanted to pay tribute to our President elect, Barack Obama. His tribute was to pull out a separate glove from his pants (the glove was black and white), and raise his fist in the air like Smith and Carlos’ famous pose at the 1968 Summer Olympics in Mexico City. Continue reading Eat My Sports: Statement game

You don’t know Ted

If you thought you knew anything about Superstation founder and all-around money-having guy, Ted Turner, you were wrong. Just read this excerpt from an interview:

CNN: I know you’ve got to move around a lot. But some people have observed that when you are chased by demons, you have to move around a lot to stay out in front of them.

Turner: Well, I’m not chased by demons. I feel pretty good.

CNN: Why would people say that?

Turner: I don’t know. That I’m chased by demons? I don’t know. They don’t know. The only person who knows about demons is me.

That’s right, you read it here first*:

Ted Turner is an admitted demon-fighter and/or -friend!

See what you can learn with a little reading comprehension? Wouldn’t you have been embarrassed if you ran into Ted “Captain Planet” Turner and just casually mentioned your pro- or anti-demon stance? First impressions are everything, especially among cable television moguls.

This has been another SG Fun Fact … plus a lesson in good manners. You’re welcome.

*Well, first if you didn’t read it on CNN.

Lethal hat tosses and car stunts are one thing

Roger Moore, better known as the Bond who has been overshadowed by the legendary performances of George Lazenby and Timothy Dalton, says that he doesn’t like the direction the new James Bond movies have taken.

They are just too violent these days, Moore said. In his day, Bond was more pithy and relied on having intimate relations with strange women in order to entertain the crowd. Rampant sexism, racism and midgetism be damned, violence is the one thing than cannot be tolerated.

Remember when James Bond walked around with a little gun and made clever puns after people accidentally died through no fault of his? That Bond must certainly have a market today.

“I suggested my Bond would have charmed the information out of her by bedding her first. My Bond was a lover and a giggler, but I went along with Guy,” the British actor wrote.

Oh, James “Giggles” Bond, where have you gone?

I’ll just wear those home

Have you ever gone shopping, only to realize that you forgot that one item, that key component, that very thing you needed?

Yeah, so, some people have that problem worse than you.

A male Japanese Air Force Major decided to do some shopping after leaving a late-night farewell party for one of his colleagues. One can make the logical assumption that he was drunk, because he then proceeded to ide behind a convenience store to strip off his clothes before entering. Oh wait-it gets better.

Once inside, totally naked, our Major set out to purchase panties and pantyhose.

His Emperor’s New Clothes incident was only witnessed by the store’s clerk (also the only person in the store other than Private Partyman), who quickly called the cops after the officer left the store. Major Boner has been suspended from his duties for 10 days, and papers were filed for indecent exposure. Insert lame joke about legal briefs here.

One more example of socialized healthcare

Zoos serve many different purposes for us. They allow us to see our enemy face to beak, they allow us to publicly interrogate the animals and they also serve as death camps. No one seems to have told that to Zoo New England, operators of the Franklin Park Zoo in Boston.

The zoo gave Gigi the gorilla a colonoscopy. At first, this sounds like a great way to humiliate our enemy, but when you think about it, this is just ensuring the logevity of this prisoner of war. In this country, we don’t use our funds to keep our citizens healthy, so why do we allow our zoos to provide healthcare to its inmates?

Waterboarding is great, rough interrogation is even better, but there’s a fine line between anal probing and health services.