How To: Joke about the new president
Posted on November 13, 2008
Filed Under How To, Scurry '08 | 1 Comment |
Comedians are worried about their trade now that George Bush’s presidency is almost over. It’s been an easy eight years, minus that brief period in late 2001-2002 when we depended on him as an illiterate father-figure.
In fact, things have been so bad for Bush and the gang that Republicans are complaining that we made too much fun of him, ruining their dreams of pop-up history books.
But enough about those oversensitive, feelings-oriented, fairness-mongering crybabies. We’ve got a real issue on our hands: how do we make fun of the guy who’s supposed to save America, especially one who’s … um, diverse?
Did any of you voters think about us? Humorists have husbands, wives and children to publicly belittle; we can’t pay for that unless we do political jokes, too. This is why The Guys held an emergency post-election meeting to determine how to joke about the new president. Read more
Written by Rick SneeTime to break out the Bat-Litigation Repellant
Posted on November 13, 2008
Filed Under What a Reach! | 2 Comments |
There’s always some out there trying to cash in on someone else. In 2007, Transformers saw Transmorphers. Snakes on a Plane saw Snakes on a Train. However, sometimes it’s not so much a something as it’s a someone. Such as:
The mayor of Batman, Turkey is suing Christopher Nolan for improper use of the name Batman.
Seriously. Why so?
“Until the 1950s, Batman was a small village.”
Yeesh.
Written by Chris "Chugs" TaylorThey might be ‘wizards,’ but not the best spellers
Posted on November 13, 2008
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Several high profile members of the KKK (that’s the Ku Klux Klan for those of you wondering what the last “k” stands for) are being sued in Kentucky for assaulting Jordan Gruver. It’s not known if they attacked Gruver because he is of Panamanian descent or doesn’t have “relations” with his kin.
Of these defendants, one is “Imperial Wizard” Ron Edwards, who — in a display of his intellectual immensity — is defending himself.
This is the moron’s defense:
- “I’ll prove that I teach them not to go out and commit violence.”
- “I’ll prove I did not know they were there.”
After all, the KKK has always been known for it’s adherence to nonviolent tactics. Purification of white blood just means that it would be nice if non-Anglo-Saxon, -straight and -Protestant people would just stop having blood … in them.
Written by Rick SneeKraft Macaroni and Cheese, I’ve got the domestic assault blues
Posted on November 13, 2008
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Ever come home to your wife/girlfriend/husband/boyfriend/erotic-pet only to find that they are cooking the complete opposite of what you want for dinner? Ever just want to invoke the rule of thumb over it? No? Well, a Nebraska man found it completely logical to attack his girlfriend after coming home to find she had cooked him none other than macaroni and cheese. His girlfriend is OK, however we have not heard the truth to the rumors of lawsuits against Kraft.
I mean for the love of sweet foods! Can’t a brother get some spotted dick?
Written by Bryan SchoolsThey’re all just the right size now
Posted on November 13, 2008
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While it can be debated for years on end why our country went to war, just keep in mind-at least we’re not arguing about food. Specifically, the shape of food.
Yes, in ol’ Blighty, the government has spent its time arguing about the shape of food. Not the condition of the food. Not the amount of food. Not even the color of food. No, for year, people have gotten out of shape (*rimshot*) over whether a banana was too bendy. Yes, you read that right. Too bendy.
Well, remorse no more, losers of the colonies! Yes, food that you would expect to be grown in either Chernobyl or on the moon (by Mooninites, mind you) can now find its way back into the markets run by Oliver Twist-esque street youths. Huzzah!
Sadly, there are two items that are still not on the list of foods: minstrels and hobos. Well, we’ll give them time…
Written by Chris "Chugs" TaylorWhat about one with a fainting disorder?
Posted on November 13, 2008
Filed Under Scurry '08 | 1 Comment |
In his election night speech, President-elect Barack Obama said that he would keep his promise to his daughters that if he won the presidency, he would get them a dog. (And if he lost, sorry girls! Daddy’s only a senator and can’t afford such frills!)
We saw last week how presidential dogs can be a threat to our First Amendment rights. Even so, the press has been in a tizzy about what kind of breed the family will get when it moves into the White House. Here at SG, we hope it’s the type of breed that doesn’t have its own online Christmas special every year, but the people of Peru have a suggestion of their own.
They want the Obamas to adopt their national dog. The dog is from Peru and it is hairless, but still it has the misleading name Peruvian Hairless Dog. The breed was given to Inca kings and is apparently great for kids with allergies, like Malia Obama, 10. The one good thing about it is that it doesn’t have teeth, so journalists would be safe.
Written by Bryan McBournie