Day: November 19, 2008

Take it from Snee: Vampires are totally real

Look, if you bring up Twilight to some of The Guys, they’ll all *pfft* and follow that up with a terse “whatevah.” (I know: we can be so mean.)

However, I can no longer remain silent. You see, young teenage girls who aren’t my wife, I’m … different. I’ve rejected all the limited, childish behaviors of my food-eating peers. I’ve seen dark things, terrible things. I’ve sipped immortality on gossamer wings wearing platform Doc Martins.

I guess what I’m trying to say … what I’m trying to tell you … but, what if you don’t like me? My kind is so lonely that I would give anything to spend all my time hanging out with a nice, less popular girl who likes art. We could talk about your hair.

Enough, my heart is tormented in a bleak darkness that I will no longer bear: I am a vampire. Continue reading Take it from Snee: Vampires are totally real

Oh, it’s illegal? Good to know

Attention Tennessee college students: your state government would like to remind you that it is illegal to download copyrighted material without the permission of the owner. All that music and movies you’ve been stealing? Yeah, the state’s not gonna tolerate that kind of bamboozling any further.

And by the state not tolerating, they mean that your school is not gonna tolerate it and will install effective countermeasures on their networks to curb all illegal file transfers.

SG does not have the details on each school’s plan, but suggests you talk to the underpaid — with $600 semester book bills — student IT staff members who will be in charge of creating RIAA-friendly filters.

Side Note:
You know who never gets government protection from piracy? Porn. What’s up with that?

Oh Coca-Cola bottle, you’re our only hope!

First it was some European nations. Then Japan. And now? The US is expected to be next. The sky is falling!

Japan is in a recession, it would seem. Who would’ve guessed? The BBC confirms that the global economic climate has slowed down the demand for Japanese exports.

“The downtrend in the economy will continue for the time being as global growth slows,” said Japanese Economy Minister Kaoru Yosano. “We need to bear in mind that economic conditions could worsen further as the US and European financial crisis deepens, worries of economic downturn heighten and stock and foreign exchange markets make big swings.”

What’s really the kicker is that Japan was going through its longest period of economic growth until the suka hit the sub-prime fan last year. Coincidentally enough, just about everything is seemingly cyclical for Japan. Tommy Lee Jones doing commercials, transforming robots as sentient smashy robots, Grand Theft Auto, and now, recessions, as they already experienced one about 7 years ago. The last recession they went through was mostly self-inflicted, but this time around the world’s consumers are messing things up everywhere. And for Japan, most of the issue lies with decreased demand of their products.

When asked how to fix this crisis, our very Bryan Schools gave this sage bit of advice:

Sony–BUY IT.

More urgent health advice

As winter approaches, much of the country is already being plunged into unseasonably cold temperatures. We here at SeriouslyGuys would like to remind each and every one of our readers (are you listening, you two?) to bundle up and take care of yourself. Colds can be dangerous.

In Boston, Andrew Hanson’s cold became a much bigger problem, when he sneezed while driving and ended up in the Charles River. Luckily, the water wasn’t very deep at all and he was able to make it safely to shore. The truck he was driving likely did not survive the illness.

We suggest the following methods of staying healthy this winter:

  • Not going outside until March
  • Drinking a lot (because alcohol kills germs, may we suggest a health tonic?)
  • Using this as an opportunity to kick that railing-licking habit of yours
  • Using a condom
  • Not touching anything anywhere