Eat My Sports: NFL awards

We have officially reached the three quarters mark of the NFL year, which means this is the time of the season when the so-called “experts” start evaluating their picks for MVPs and other stuff like that. And being the resident SG expert on all things sports, I am here to bring you the real awards for the NFL, not those pansy votes that come from a QB having the right amount of dimples.

Rookie of the Year
Matt Ryan, Atlanta Falcons
The Atlanta Falcons’ improvement this year has not been solely because of Ryan. I mean all you have to do is look at Michael Turner, Roddy White and a vastly improved defense to be able to see that. But Ryan represented a change of the culture in Atlanta, the gigantic black mark that Michael Vick left on the franchise is being washed away quickly with every move towards the playoffs. Ryan is playing like a poised veteran, and his style is much akin to that of Ben Roethlisberger’s rookie campaign in 2004.
Runner-up: Joe Flacco, Baltimore Ravens Continue reading Eat My Sports: NFL awards

Please detonate on or before 12-2-2013

It’s that most wonderful time of year, again. Sleigh bells ring, are you listening? The halls are being decked with boughs of holly, fa-la-la-la-la.

(La-la la la.)

And, of course, Congress is warning us that terrorists could kill us within the next five years using weapons of mass destruction.

A prize-winning panel — at least one that earned a blue ribbon — believes that a biological or nuclear attack is likely between now and 2013. After that, the window of attack is closed and terrorists will have to use pointy sticks or something.

So, remember, these next five years are borrowed time. According to former Senator Bob Graham, we could be looking at “9/11 times 10 or a hundred.”

9,110 or even 91,100, people. We don’t even have calendars that read like that.

In related news, Congress doesn’t know that the elections are already over.

Update (5:51 PM):
OK, just checked the math. Actually,

(9/11) * 10 = 8.181818…

and

(9/11) * 100 = 81.818181…

Still, this does not compute on any reassuring calendar known to Americans.

NBA Live used by NBA teams, Pacers still suck

The NBA says about half of the league’s 30 teams employ NBA Live 09 in making personnel evaluations, which, y’know, makes Electronic Arts all kinds of happy.

What makes NBA Live 09 better than the competition, NBA 2K9, is a feature called Dynamic DNA. Essentially, the DNA system is a statistical aggregator that feeds new information such as shot and scoring tendencies directly into the game. The reason why GMs would want to use it is that it’s constantly updated and directly affects gameplay.

Daryl Morey, general manager of the Houston Rockets, is a devotee of talent-evaluation demigod Billy Beane (the general manager of Major League Baseball’s Oakland Athletics), and swears by video games — and not as a diversion.

“I don’t play EA Sports as a game. I use it as a tool,” he says.

Pretty impressive, right? I mean, it sounds like NBA Live just can’t be stopped by anything, right?

Yeah, keep thinking that.

WWJE: What Would Jesus Eat?

Many chocolates claim to be divine, but sadly, they always come up short. Until now.

A German businessman is selling Jesus chocolates he calls “Sweet Lord,” just in time for the holidays Christmas. Shockingly, Protestants and Catholics in Germany are none too pleased by the entrepreneur’s attempt to bring Jesus back to his birthday party.

If you ask us, they’re really missing out on a great way to get people back in the pews on Sundays, at least for Catholics. Instead of giving out bread at communion, give out chocolate Jesuses (Jesi?). It’s still his body you’re eating, right?

Want to order some savior? You can find Jesus here.