Day: December 5, 2008

MasterChugs Theater: ‘Scrooge (1951)’

When it comes to favorite Christmas tales on the screen, there are probably two. There’s no confusion about the first, because there is only one It’s a Wonderful Life. In fact, Frank Capra’s classic is so expertly wrought that no one has even attempted a big screen remake. The second is a little more problematic, because there have been many worthy takes on Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol. Case in point, we’re actually going to take a look at a few of them this month. In 1984, George C. Scott humbugged to memorable effect in a made-for-TV adaptation. Albert Finney sang and danced his way through the title role of 1970’s Scrooge. Even Mr. Magoo, the Muppets, Blackadder, Captain Picard and Mickey Mouse have taken their shots (with varying degrees of success). But widely believed to be the best-loved and most-remembered version of A Christmas Carol has to be the 1951 edition of Scrooge, with the inimitable Alastair Sim as London’s cruelest miser.

Sim, a veteran of British stage and screen, started his motion picture career in the mid-’30s and ended it in the early-’70s. In between, he appeared in over fifty films, but the role that has given him true immortality is that of Scrooge. Sim is not just one of many actors to play the part — for everyone who has seen the crisply-made black-and-white production, he is the definitive Scrooge. Everyone else, from George C. Scott to Bill Murray, is an impostor. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘Scrooge (1951)’

Lest we forget

It’s time to drink up (like you needed an excuse to). Seventy-five years ago today, the 21st Amendment was passed, which as any middle school student can tell you was the one that freed the slaves gave women the right to vote let us have our guns repealed the 18th Amendment, which was the main law behind Prohibition.

Yes, we told you only a few months ago that it was time to celebrate because the anniversary of the Volstead Act’s repeal. Well, that was a good reason to drink, but the Volstead Act merely reinforced the 18th Amendment, and while its repeal signaled the end of the national nightmare, it was not the official end.

So, today is a day to stop drinking the gin you’ve been making in your bathtub, today is a day to go out and get crocked because it’s legal to do so (as long as you don’t drive a car, don’t smoke, play drinking games or have absinthe at a bar, and are 21 years of age–it’s legal besides all that). Cheers!

Stupid is bipartisan

This time, every year, we get to make fun of belligerent conservative talk show hosts claiming Christmas is under attack. It’s the highlight of this Web site’s holiday season.

Unfortunately, atheists have posted ads by nativity scenes and in public spaces decrying religion as “a myth and superstition that hardens hearts and enslaves minds.” Other ads include patronizing slogans like, “Why believe in God? Just be good for goodness’ sake.”

(You have to hand it to atheists: they know proper apostrophe use.)

So what kind of moron proves Bill O’Reilly, Michelle Malkin and Ann Coulter right correct? Meet Dan Barker:

“a former evangelical preacher who now heads up the atheist and agnostic Freedom From Religion Foundation, said it was important for atheists to see their viewpoints validated alongside everyone else’s.”

So, he was an annoying Christian and now he’s pissing off the other side. Here’s a textbook case of validation issues: making personal belief choices, revising them and still forcing them on other people for attention.

Did we mention that Barker sounds like every idiot you went to college with who wouldn’t shut up about socialism or why he doesn’t own a television?

“‘If there can be a Nativity scene saying that we are all going to hell if we don’t bow down to Jesus, we should be at the table to share our views.'”

Also leading the stupid-counterswing is Fred Edwords, spokesman of the American Humanist Association, which was responsible for the “goodness’ sake” ads in DC metros. He claims that they weren’t meant to attack Christianity, but to “reach new audiences.”

“‘There are a lot of people out there who don’t know there are organizations like ours to serve their needs,’ Edwords said. ‘The thing is, to reach a minority group, in order to be heard, everyone in the room has to hear you, even when they don’t want to.'”

What do atheists need? Are there starving atheists being turned away from Salvation Army soup kitchens? Are elderly atheists unable to pick up their own groceries? Do they need more DVDs for their Sunday morning “Movie Time?”

Well, they’ve reached that new audience: stupid Christians who can’t ignore other stupid people. Newspapers and political offices are now being flooded with letters of complaint by Christ-heads who are “offended.” Way to go, guys: public offices can’t do anything about your religion.

So, if you’re trying your damndest not to commit mass vehicular slaughter in the mall parking lot, you can thank the organized atheists, agnostics and humanists who don’t know when to shut up.

Barbie beatz Bratz, lawsuitz beatz dollz, salez beatz dollz

It’s like the perpetual Ro-sham-bo. The gist, summed up: there’s been a legal battle between Mattel and MGA over copyright violation and breach of contract over the Bratz dolls, originally developed by Carter Bryant while working at Mattel. Judgment has been made, and if left to stand, means that MGA has to stop making all Bratz products after the end of the year.

So, what’s a Bratz doll? Simply put, it’s a doll that feels that noses are facial deformities. They’re like pouty-lipped, apathetic looking emo girls, but made trendy and in high heels. Think of them like little plastic strumpets. Strumpets that will eat your soul.

But are they gone for good? With their vast, predatory eyes? Perhaps, perhaps not. A few thoughts after the cut. Continue reading Barbie beatz Bratz, lawsuitz beatz dollz, salez beatz dollz

Burgerlary

We’ve all been there, you get frustrated with your girlfriend after you’ve just bought her lunch at McDonald’s. She starts complaining how you didn’t Super-Size her meal, or get her a Diet Coke instead of orange drink, tensions build, words fly, and next thing you know you’re assaulting her with a cheeseburger, repeatidly. Or maybe this only happens in Vero Beach …