Well … crap

It’s Extreme Makeover: Foreclosure Edition. If you’ve ever wondered what happens to the families after the makeover, well here you go. Not only does EM not help you with the property taxes, they stick you with whatever bills are left on the house. ABC, where getting legally screwed happens.

Internet activity stops after Emma Watson announcement

With the elections finally over — unless Georgia has any more overdue offices to fill — coupled with zero interest in foreign news, the Internet has officially frozen on news that Emma Watson, Hermione Granger in the Harry Potter movies, might do some nude scenes in future projects.

Since this announcement reached all blogs, online magazines and message boards this morning, all production of snarky t-shirts, LOLcats and satirical fake news posts have ceased, presumably as the entire Internet population has paused to masturbate.

Regular Internet users are distraught, users like Amanda Daniels, who had to do actual work today since the entire Buffy the Vampire Slayer fan forum went dead.

“Will nobody respond to my post about how Willow should make a crossover appearance in Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles?” Daniels said. “I mean, Hermione’s hot, but Alyson Hannigan and Summer Glau in my proposed shower scene? Shiney!”

Only one Web site has maintained any traffic in the past hour: the Google image search. However, experts believe the Internet will get up and moving again once their stimulus package takes effect: planting the seeds of an “Is Megan Fox Hot?” debate on Fark.

“But see, mine goes dum-dum-dum-dumdumdumdum *pause*”

And now, a piece from South Park, paraphrased solely for the purposes of this article:

“Let me show you to the coffee room, Mr. Glurrk”

Randy Marsh: (gasp) “They took my SONG!”

Stan Marsh: “They took yer song!”

Nobody likes plagiarism. At least, no one likes unrecognized plagiarism. But when it’s done by the Grammy nominated band Coldplay? That’s just straight up coldplagiarism. Yes, it would seem that the guitar god, Joe Satriani, finds issue with Coldplay’s song, “Vida La Vida”. The issue found? He feels that he’s already written the song before. For shame, Coldplay. For shame.

This guy is personally hoping that even if Satriani doesn’t win the lawsuit, he still manages to put an end to Coldplay. Seriously Chris Martin, what causes you to have to be so depressed about all the time? You’re married to Gywneth Paltrow and you make millions every year. Yeah, you co-named your kid Apple, but … look, cocaine is a helluva drug, OK?

The McBournie Minute: Here’s what you can get me, America

As the holidays creep closer, so does our impending economic doom. Last week we learned that the U.S. has been in a recession since December 2007 (surprise!), and we find more and more people are looking to save money this holiday season.

This is complete and utter crap.

I realize that the economy is the suck right now, some of my friends have even lost their jobs, but let’s not be so hasty and cancel Christmas. For one thing, it is important for you as a member of society to go out and spend money in the coming weeks, because our economy needs it. More importantly, if you know me, it is important you go out and spend money in the coming weeks on gifts for me, because the economy needs it. Spend as much as you like, America. I won’t mind. It’s just the typical selflessness I am known for. This time, I will just single-handedly save the economy. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Here’s what you can get me, America