Day: December 15, 2008

Sex Internet sells

According to a recent survey, many adults, including 46 percent of women, would be willing to go without sex for two weeks rather than lose their Internet access.

Not surprisingly, men more reluctant on that one. Only 30 percent of those surveyed would do the same thing. Still, that seems kind of high, especially for dudes. Then again, you can give up sex and still technically get some action online, whereas you cannot copulate and update your Facebook profile at the same time. So there is a bit of logic to this one.

We here at SG would like to welcome all of our new, sexually frustrated women readers. We shall do our best to keep you happy, because apparently other men in your life cannot. Stay with us as we make with the funny.

Olympic fencer encourages new generation of gun criminals

In a bit of human interest news, SeriouslyGuys has just learned about Sada Jacobson, the three-time Olympic medalist in fencing.

Ms. Jacobson is now an ambassador for her sport, visiting fencing schools and inspiring novices to take up gun crime.

“Unlike other sports, Jacobson called fencing an asymmetrical workout. ‘You are constantly in an unnatural body position,’ she said.

“‘It’s very lower-body specific, so you need really strong legs, but you also need to be very quick and light on your feet,’ she noted.

“The physical preparation was only part of her focus. She also studied countless videotapes of her opponents in competition in an effort to mentally outsmart them.

“Burdan, her coach, described the sport as a form of ‘physical chess.'”

After one of her visits, students, like 14-year-old Clayton Quimby, expressed disappointment with their sport.

“Look,” Quimby said. “I’m only here because I watched Highlander like 40 times. What’s this chess sh-t? And who the f-ck does leg workouts?”

Smoking bars in Boston to eventually go up in smoke

Ten years from now, the world of Boston will be an entirely new place. Yes, annoying Red Sox fans (redundant?) will still live there, and you’ll be able to find plenty of weird Celtics’ fans, but what will you not be able to find? Those cigar and hookah bars that are the city is apparently riddled with, and thus need to be removed.

Yes, the Boston Public Health Commission has decided that they know what’s best for you. What’s bad for you? A smoking bar that can only affect you in a negative fashion if you willingly go into one.

Plus side: In place of the hookah and cigar bars that won’t be there anymore, you might have another Walmart or five built instead. Huzzah!

Con side: Every year from now, there will be an 8% decrease in the number of snotty hipster girls littering the city, and thus, less amount for you to hit on. Which we know you love to do.

The McBournie Minute: Honestly, who throws shoes anymore?

We are now in the waning days of the Bush administration and it appears no one is happier about that than President George Bush himself. He’s been taking time to dance with children, crack jokes in a less-smug manner and even visit some of the places he bombed one last time.

Yet, not everyone wants to play along with Nostalgia Fest 2008: Oh, The Places We Went. In fact, some places didn’t like their visitor a good measure more than they dislike the average tourist. Bush was speaking at a press conference with Iraqi Prime Minister Nuri al-Maliki when an Iraqi journalist yelled at him and threw both his shoes at him. (Video of the disturbing attack here.)

This is yet another example of the liberal media. They throw shoes at Bush and shout insults at him when they should be taking notes and asking questions in an unbiased manner. Instead, they let their personal, left-wing convictions get in the way, and once again, professionalism takes a back seat. And don’t think that’s not a huge insult he was throwing at our president. Do you have any idea how hard it is to find shoes in Iraq, much less good ones? Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Honestly, who throws shoes anymore?