Day: December 23, 2008

Eat My Sports: Christmas edition, Scrooge style

Looking for some last minute Christmas/Festivus items for the holiday season? Well, I’m not doing that for you, you know why? Cause I don’t have time to go over your needs. However, if I were rich, here is what I would get each of TheGuys for Christmas, because it’s really only the thought that counts, and that is exactly why I’m only thinking about these things. And if I were thinking about sending a backhanded gift, well, here we go!

Bryan McBournie: Matt Cassel official Detroit Lions jersey
What better way to say “#### you” than the jersey that Cassel will be wearing getting beat up in Detroit next year? Why is this so cruel? Because while Cassel is busy becoming part of the 50-yard line in Ford Field, a post-injury, 32-year old Tom Brady will be leading a very pedestrian Patriots’ attack in 2009.

Accompanying this will be one of the 19-0 Patriots’ t-shirts available on eBay. Continue reading Eat My Sports: Christmas edition, Scrooge style

Run for your life!

OK, so you finally lost some weight, bringing you below the obese line. Perhaps you’re even barely above to overweight line. Time to relax and maintain, right?

WRONG, say doctors who wrote a new article in Circulation (clever, no?). If you’re a couple of pounds overweight, you still have a 180 percent increased risk of a heart attack over lean people. And, as Dr. Satish Kenchaiah, lead writer of the report, says, “The more you exercise, the more reduction [of the risk of heart disease] you have.”

So, what are you sitting around reading this for? Run! Run, you maggot! And don’t you dare stop running until you have a 0 percent chance of heart attack!

President-elect Obama: Bailing out thirsty reporters

We found out during the campaign that the man who now is going to be our next president (how’s THAT for some fun grammar?) is not a bad guy to have at a bar. However, we now know he’s way cooler than we ever expected. Better yet, he knows journalists.

While on vacation in Hawaii, President-elect Barack Obama ran into some journalists at a snack bar while he was golfing. In an effort to shoo them away, he suggested they go to the bar and drink. Then he said he’d buy them a round if they went up to the bar (called the 19th hole on golf courses) and drank.

This shows amazing perception on Obama’s part, because (ethics be damned!) if there’s one thing more tempting to a reporter than alcohol, it’s free alcohol. And if there’s one thing more tempting than free alcohol, it’s a challenge to drink that free alcohol.

Yet, some namby pamby CNN reporter named Ed Henry, had to go and sound like our current teetotaler president.

“And just for the record: your faithful correspondent, while enjoying the wonders of Waikiki beach, never drinks — at least not on the job.”

Henry, you are a disgrace to your profession.

That’s some pig

China is against everything we stand for (except their food). Those commie pinkos are known for being uncooperative diplomatically, they have even been known to hold an alleged Olympiad before. But now they’ve gone to far: they have a favorite animal.

Yes, the thought of any country celebrating an animal so much is simply unheard of, but a single pig was voted by the Chinese as their favorite animal–because that’s about all they’re allowed to vote on.

Zhu Jianqiang, or “Strong Pig” is now famous for surviving the earthquake that hit China in May. The beast survived trapped for 36 days in the rubble. This is a miracle, because, you know, it’s hard to believe a pig rolling around in mud and its own crap for days.

Not surprisingly, the pig, once acting like the lowly farm animal it is, is now behaving like a rock star, getting ill-tempered, fat and lazy.

“It’s gotten fatter and lazier by the day,” [the report] quoted staff as saying. “We used to take it out for a walk every morning and afternoon, but it’s too lazy — and too fat — to do it.”

Hmmmm, ill-tempered? Fat? Lazy? We know just the cure.